Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

From the Quotation of the day mailing list, 2005-04-19:

"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined." -- Johnny Carson (1925-2005)

Quick status post:

Argh. This weekend's two thirds gone and I haven't written up last weekend yet ... The pattern for the past week seems to be less pain than usual, short periods of feeling chipper, and quickly becoming tired again. So I felt pretty good Friday, but ran out of steam before I got out of the house (maybe if I'd jumped right in the car when I got out of bed ...) Yesterday I did not make it to the Pride march or to visit anniemal but I did accomplish one errand before I got too dizzy to continue. Today I feel much more energetic than yesterday, but have a bit of a headache and my knees are killing me.

So between my knees and the late start, I'm considering only going to the last bit of the Pride Festival today, and just seeing Odd Girl Out but not really "doing the festival thing". Let's see how much good 1.2 g of ibuprofen does me while I'm getting myself together. (Oh, that's one positive sign of the past week despite how f'ing tired I've been: I've mostly been able to get away with only ibuprofen for pain since sometime Tuesday. Not that I've needed more and been too stubborn; the ibuprofen has actually been enough the past few days. This is a Good Thing.) If the headache increases or if this burst of energy turns out to be as short-lived as Friday's, I'll skip the festival, rest a bit more, and figure out whether I'm up to driving to VA later on. If the ibuprofen makes my knees happy and I don't get suddenly tired, I'll try to catch more of the festival. I'm thinking of wearing the T-shirt I got at the 1993 March On Washington (cartoon saying, "Oh puh-lees! You want me to march HOW far in these heels?", which the vendor offerred me half price on when he saw my shoes).

And then I'll try to get around to describing last weekend.

Feh. Used up my burst of energy getting breakfast and getting ready. Ibuprofen helped my knees but not my head. I could get to the festival site by 5:00 [as of this paragraph; obviously not by the time I finished writing the rest of this entry], not counting however long it takes to park and walk around (the band I want to see is scheduled for 5:45) but the ratio of attention spent staying upright to attention spent enjoying the music would be unfavourable and I'm being rather annoyingly sensitive to noise right now (especially bass frequencies). So although I would probably enjoy myself once I got there, it'd be a strain and make me feel drained at the same time. And it has started to rain (at least on my side of town; maybe not up at Druid Hill).

Of course, now I'm feeling all blue and pouty about this "change of plans" even though the plan I'd told myself was "see how I feel," not "oh oh gonna go festival whee." So I've got to either change my mind, dredge up the energy somehow, and run across town Real Soon (and hope I don't use up so many spoons that I screw up the next few days' plans) [as you can see, I wound up writing more instead -- insert brief snippet of Rush lyric here if so inclined]; or I need to remind myself over and over and over, "this was a 'maybe' all along, from the moment I first heard about it ... I didn't really expect to get this close to going after that busy weekend last weekend ... this was only a 'maybe' all along ... there'll be a festival next year ... this was only a 'maybe' all along ..." until I stop feeling like a bad person for not getting out to support my community, an idiot for missing a change to go do something cheerful, and a lamer for yet again missing a chance to hear OGO. That may take a lot of repetitions. (Wouldn't it be so much more convenient sometimes to be completely rational? Not terribly human, but oh so conventient. Sometimes.) Or I can just sulk.

(Note that you needn't bother pointing out that my illness -- and perhaps my year-round visibility -- excuse me from having to participate in a festival to 'support' my community. The rational parts of me know that. They're not the bits contributing to the poutiness.)

So I'm going to close my eyes for a little while (possibly with a guitar in my hands (a solidbody electric -- easier to play flat on one's back (with an acoustic I'd be tempted to prop myself up with pillows and less likely to let myself fall asleep if I get sleepy))) and rest. Then I'll use my next brief burst of energy either to drive to Arlington or write a journal entry about last weekend.

Hmm. And I really ought to try to hack tags support into Clive.

The problem with playing myself to sleep is that each time I come up with something cool, the urge to set down the guitar and write it down (or type it into the computer) wakes me up again. Whether I give in to it or not. Whoopsie.