Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." -- Jeannette Rankin (thanks to blueeowyn)

"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." -- Jeannette Rankin (thanks to blueeowyn)

There are some things that I am good at because they have always been easy for me.

There are some things that are easy for me because I have gotten good at them.

There are some things which, despite my apparently being good at them, have never felt at all easy; I do them carefully, labouriously, and with trepidation, and feel drained and tense after succeeding or failing at them, not to mention nervous while waiting to see how my efforts will be judged. Sometimes I can make it look easy ...

I hate being pressured to do things in the third category on somebody else's timetable instead of when I feel prepared. All the more so when one of the potential side effects is having somebody justifiably pissed-off at me. And the most so when even admitting that the task is not trivial results in a different somebody being unfairly angry at me.

There are also some things that I don't think I'm good at but other people keep telling me I am. (For example, the number of times I've played tech-writer for pay, apparently having been the best available at that skill over and over. I like it a lot better when they hire a real tech writer, who can do what I do more quickly, apparently with less effort, clearly with less stress, and most likely better ... and let me focus on the things I'm more efficient at. Not that there isn't some overlap skill-wise between analysts and tech-writers, in that both have to be able to, well, write. But neither skill set is a subset of the other.)

Grumpy today, and with too many legitimate reasons for grumpiness, of which ruining some food by way of inattention and clumsiness was the least. Feh. *pout*

I'm supposed to get a physical exam on Monday. I think I'm going to have to start the visit with, "I know that preventative medicine is important, but this wrist injury that still hasn't healed after fifty seven days is more urgent today. We're starting with that." And then reminding the doctor that I am a musician.

(I do have some concerns of a more general nature to address, but my wrist is the one that's scaring me, and the one that I get reminded of every time I move my fingers the wrong way. I've figured out how to play guitar with it, but it Does have a negative impact on my performance, and I worry whether I'm making it worse when I play.)

In the meantime, I still haven't made it out to the pharmacy to pick up prescription refills (on my to-do list since ... the day before yesterday? or was it Tuesday?), and it's currently raining. Nor have I managed enough feeling-alert time to write the big essay of a "want to write this very carefully and extra-clearly" sort that I'd planned to do this week since I never got around to it last week ...

And my file server is still down. :-(

On a more positive note, my legs have not woken me (nor kept me awake (though other things have)) since I started chugging tonic water at bedtime. Just coincidence, or evidence that the amount of quinine present is (surprisingly) enough to make a difference? Hmm. I'm nearly out, and had planned to pick some up at the grocery next door to the pharmacy if I managed to walk down there this evening. I don't really feel like lugging bags of groceries a mile on foot in the rain. (Bags under a cape, maybe. Bags outside of a raincoat, not so much. I miss the cape.) Maybe I'll manage the shopping on Sunday.

If this really is the effect of the quinine, then thank goodness for something that works (taking Mg+Ca+K at bedtime has helped reduce the number of episodes but wasn't enough to make them stop entirely; the next step will be to see whether I an reduce the amount of those that I take at bedtime if the quinine keeps working) ... and thank goodness I like the taste of tonic water.

There are some things that I am good at because they have always been easy for me.

There are some things that are easy for me because I have gotten good at them.

There are some things which, despite my apparently being good at them, have never felt at all easy; I do them carefully, labouriously, and with trepidation, and feel drained and tense after succeeding or failing at them, not to mention nervous while waiting to see how my efforts will be judged. Sometimes I can make it look easy ...

I hate being pressured to do things in the third category on somebody else's timetable instead of when I feel prepared. All the more so when one of the potential side effects is having somebody justifiably pissed-off at me. And the most so when even admitting that the task is not trivial results in a different somebody being unfairly angry at me.

There are also some things that I don't think I'm good at but other people keep telling me I am. (For example, the number of times I've played tech-writer for pay, apparently having been the best available at that skill over and over. I like it a lot better when they hire a real tech writer, who can do what I do more quickly, apparently with less effort, clearly with less stress, and most likely better ... and let me focus on the things I'm more efficient at. Not that there isn't some overlap skill-wise between analysts and tech-writers, in that both have to be able to, well, write. But neither skill set is a subset of the other.)

Grumpy today, and with too many legitimate reasons for grumpiness, of which ruining some food by way of inattention and clumsiness was the least. Feh. *pout*

I'm supposed to get a physical exam on Monday. I think I'm going to have to start the visit with, "I know that preventative medicine is important, but this wrist injury that still hasn't healed after fifty seven days is more urgent today. We're starting with that." And then reminding the doctor that I am a musician.

(I do have some concerns of a more general nature to address, but my wrist is the one that's scaring me, and the one that I get reminded of every time I move my fingers the wrong way. I've figured out how to play guitar with it, but it Does have a negative impact on my performance, and I worry whether I'm making it worse when I play.)

In the meantime, I still haven't made it out to the pharmacy to pick up prescription refills (on my to-do list since ... the day before yesterday? or was it Tuesday?), and it's currently raining. Nor have I managed enough feeling-alert time to write the big essay of a "want to write this very carefully and extra-clearly" sort that I'd planned to do this week since I never got around to it last week ...

And my file server is still down. :-(

On a more positive note, my legs have not woken me (nor kept me awake (though other things have)) since I started chugging tonic water at bedtime. Just coincidence, or evidence that the amount of quinine present is (surprisingly) enough to make a difference? Hmm. I'm nearly out, and had planned to pick some up at the grocery next door to the pharmacy if I managed to walk down there this evening. I don't really feel like lugging bags of groceries a mile on foot in the rain. (Bags under a cape, maybe. Bags outside of a raincoat, not so much. I miss the cape.) Maybe I'll manage the shopping on Sunday.

If this really is the effect of the quinine, then thank goodness for something that works (taking Mg+Ca+K at bedtime has helped reduce the number of episodes but wasn't enough to make them stop entirely; the next step will be to see whether I an reduce the amount of those that I take at bedtime if the quinine keeps working) ... and thank goodness I like the taste of tonic water.