Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

"Car accidents are a leading cause of death for teenagers. The school board and your elected representatives want to make sure that you and your families are spared from such a tragedy, which is why the money for driver's ed was eliminated from the budget. Whereas last year I was teaching your older siblings how to shift and brake and three-point-turn during a six-week course, it has since been decreed that I actually need just one afternoon to tell you the only piece of safety information I'm permitted by law to share:

"The ONLY 100 percent effective method for avoiding car accidents is to ABSTAIN from driving until marriage.

"Yes, yes, I know you've been bombarded with messages from popular culture about how much fun it would be to get behind the wheel of a red convertible, find an unbroken stretch of country road, and, with the wind in your hair, see what she can do. I know that up until now you had the mistaken belief that getting a driver's license was a cherished milestone of your young, sweet, innocent lives. It isn't. It's a milestone, all right: a milestone indicating terrible pain, degradation, and certain death."

-- from "Abstinence-Only Driver's Ed.", by Suzanne Kleid, McSweeney's, 2008-02-22

"Car accidents are a leading cause of death for teenagers. The school board and your elected representatives want to make sure that you and your families are spared from such a tragedy, which is why the money for driver's ed was eliminated from the budget. Whereas last year I was teaching your older siblings how to shift and brake and three-point-turn during a six-week course, it has since been decreed that I actually need just one afternoon to tell you the only piece of safety information I'm permitted by law to share:

"The ONLY 100 percent effective method for avoiding car accidents is to ABSTAIN from driving until marriage.

"Yes, yes, I know you've been bombarded with messages from popular culture about how much fun it would be to get behind the wheel of a red convertible, find an unbroken stretch of country road, and, with the wind in your hair, see what she can do. I know that up until now you had the mistaken belief that getting a driver's license was a cherished milestone of your young, sweet, innocent lives. It isn't. It's a milestone, all right: a milestone indicating terrible pain, degradation, and certain death."

-- from "Abstinence-Only Driver's Ed.", by Suzanne Kleid, McSweeney's, 2008-02-22

Ugh. Not having a good day. Ran an errand earlier that was so close I felt guilty about driving, but when I noticed that just working the accelerator pedal was painful I figured that walking wouldn't have gotten me there today. Had planned to go to Storvik post-Pennsic revel tonight, but not sure pain meds will be enough. :-(

Also having problems with random stuff (not just my body) failing to work. Cell phone charger died (have kludged substitute working now), kitchen scale broke (may or may not be repairable with plastic cement), and clothes-dryer finally made good on its threatening noises and stopped working last night (with a load of sheets and towels in it).

On plus side, have fresh vegetables in kitchen given to me at Pennsic by the friend who grew them, have bananas purchased from an arabber yesterday, and have been promised some of neighbour's too-many tomatoes. (That's four people I know or have heard of who wound up with absurd quantities of tomatoes this year. OTOH, tomato consumption seems to be way up as well, so they're finding people to give the excess to. And the small tomatoes (especially grape tomatoes) are amazingly sweet this year, at least the ones being grown in MD and VA, which may account for increased tomato consumption.)

Ugh. Not having a good day. Ran an errand earlier that was so close I felt guilty about driving, but when I noticed that just working the accelerator pedal was painful I figured that walking wouldn't have gotten me there today. Had planned to go to Storvik post-Pennsic revel tonight, but not sure pain meds will be enough. :-(

Also having problems with random stuff (not just my body) failing to work. Cell phone charger died (have kludged substitute working now), kitchen scale broke (may or may not be repairable with plastic cement), and clothes-dryer finally made good on its threatening noises and stopped working last night (with a load of sheets and towels in it).

On plus side, have fresh vegetables in kitchen given to me at Pennsic by the friend who grew them, have bananas purchased from an arabber yesterday, and have been promised some of neighbour's too-many tomatoes. (That's four people I know or have heard of who wound up with absurd quantities of tomatoes this year. OTOH, tomato consumption seems to be way up as well, so they're finding people to give the excess to. And the small tomatoes (especially grape tomatoes) are amazingly sweet this year, at least the ones being grown in MD and VA, which may account for increased tomato consumption.)