Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

[To my fellow Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!]

"None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots." -- US Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall (b. 1908-07-02, d. 1993-01-24)

( Thurgood Marshall, on self-reliance )

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It's not supposed to feel this difficult.

Argh. Frustrating night. Finally resorted to a chemical solution[*] to get to sleep, after several hours of tossing and turning, and even so I only managed to stay asleep for two hours. (Gee, a few days ago the problem was not having enough awake time to get anything done because I was sleeping so long; last night/today the problem is insomnia.) I really wanted to get to sleep early enough to have decent odds of feeling well enough to drive to Mom's for family Thanksgiving.

(Hmm. Insomnia also appears to have a dramatic effect on my pre-breakfast blood sugar. Not the first time I've noticed that it's especially high after a night of no, or far too little, sleep.)

I guess now it'll be a game of balancing meds so as to be able to cope with the day despite so little sleep while not winding up feeling too drugged to drive. Argh. And if I wind up not feeling like I can reasonably (or safely) make it there, I'm not expecting huge amounts of understanding from certain quarters. (And I do want to see folks, even if my ears do the kids-voices-turn-painful trick, which I hope doesn't happen today.)

A silver lining: I have an invitation to a quieter and within-crawling-distance[**] dinner if I can't make it all the way to Bowie (or if I get back from Bowie early enough, but that's rather unlikely). So I'll get to have a holiday dinner with people I like either way.

(Practically (and responsibly) it may make more sense to beg off of the family visit in order to rest up for, and finish preparing for, my performances at Darkover (one concert and playing for two dances), but I think something like family Thanksgiving warrants making the effort to get out there even though I've got a gig to save spoons for. Maybe I should try to get home a little early though... I do need to get out of the house earlier tomorrow than I need to today, and be well enough to play decently.)

[*] It's actually pretty difficult to medicate myself into sleep, too. All the more so if I'm trying to ensure that I don't wake up still feeling drugged (logistically bad if I have someplace to go, just unpleasant and uncomfortable otherwise). A morbid thought: if I die in my sleep due to drug interactions some night, it'll be neither suicide nor recreational abuse; it'll be an accident stemming from desparation to finally get some sleep after too long awake with no end in sight. But I don't resort to that often, and I do try to be careful.

[**] Literally, though I don't foresee doing anything more dramatic than limping if it comes to that.

( Just some whining about insomnia, and fibromyalgia's impact on my Thanksgiving plans. (Wish me luck.) )

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