Up-and-down day yesterday; did manage to get out of the house,
briefly, under my own power! Made it as far as a brief dash into
a drug store but not as far as dealing with a grocery store (which
I thought I might manage today, but ...). Ran out of spoons, but
was also hit w/ grossly unfair insomnia. Result: been a zombie
all day so far, lacking even the attention span & energy for
the onanistic remedy for insomnia (which, at this stage of sleep
deprivation, ought to actually work, if I could manage it).
Bleah. Think I'll be okay putting off groceries 'til tomorrow
though, thanks to having picked up a couple of things @ drug
store last night.
When I blink mid-sentence writing this, either very poorly
rendered cartoon characters of inconsistent style (imagine a
figure started by a Merrie Melodies animator, fleshed out by
the worst of the Hannah Barbera folks from the icky
repeat-frames-and-take-other-shortcuts era (late 1970s, IIRC),
and finished off someone who think's they're copying Disney
but really aren't) dance across my eyelids screaming nonsense
syllables ... or rotoscoped (should that be capitalized?)
news anchors intone names with dramatic inflection but no verbs.
Until I notice that my eyes didn't bounce back open after the
blink but neither have I fallen asleep. I DEMAND BETTER QUALITY
ANIMATION IN MY SLEEP-DEP HALLUCINATIONS, DAMMIT! These are
just annoying and ugly.
A few trucks have jounced through the intersection making
a sound as if the FX editor couldn't decide whether to
synthesize thunder or cannon fire and tried to layer the
two (clumsily). Pretty sure that sound isn't an
hallucination because the timing of the trembling of the bed
and windows is correct for a real buhWHOOMbbble of that
magnitude. Don't think it's the hyperacusis either, 'cause
at the moment regular car traffic is just really annoyingly
loud, rather than OhPleasePleasMakeItSTOPforFucksSake loud.
Some size and shape of truck (at some level of fullness/emptiness)
is hitting that dip at wellthefuck over the speed limit.
Repeatedly. (Though perhaps not the same individual truck
each time.) Then again, maybe the hyperacusis is
sometimes frequency-dependent? I gots me some ignorance
to go cure -- when I'm awake enough to look stuff up.
Anywho, the big news is that I actually managed to drive
a few miles and stay upright long enough to go into a store
last night. Despite the utter uselessness of today, I choose
to perceive having gotten that far an encouraging sign.
Oof. Now the hallucinatory cartoons are being Blondie
groupies, and Deborah Harry is staring blankly at them as
though they're ... hallucinations (which isn't entirely
fair, since this instance of her is an hallucination too,
but I have to sympathize with her). Not hearing Blondie
songs in my head, mind you, just squeaky-voiced, badly-drawn
shapes cooing enthralled-audience noises. Dreams like
this would bother me much less if I could be asleep[*]
during them! (And that would cut down on the odds of my
remembering 'em later, too.)
Huh. It's apparently time for the afternoon dirt-bike
migration. How long have I been typing this? (Huh.
About 50 minutes according to the shell's command history.
Yeah, some o' them thar blinks were kinda long.
No idea whether attempts to back up and insert stuff
have destroyed what coherence this entry may have had
a few seconds earlier -- letters & paragraphs aren't
holding still on the screen well enough for me to be
sure I'm looking at it in order. Forgive? Thx.
[*] Okay, these "long blinks with cartoons in 'em"
are probably "microsleep", in which case I'm technically
asleep for the audiovisual sloppiness, but the subjective
experience of it is of continued wakefullness with "time
hiccups". I want a period of proper sleep
followed by a period of competent awake-time, instead.
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