One of the things I learned as a therapist is that each person has their own language. We may all speak a particular tongue, but the language that gets IN varies from person to person.
I had a client who had very intrusive and controlling parents, even though she was 21. I tried to convey the message that her life belonged to HER, and she could do whatever she wanted. She didn't hear me the first dozen ways I tried to reach her. One day I said, "Life is one per customer. Your mother gets hers, and you get yours."
I have no idea why THAT was the phrase that resonated with her, but she was really struck by it, and during subsequent weeks, whenever she'd be reporting on steps she took to make her own decisions, she'd say that she thought about what her mother would want her to do, and then she caught herself and repeated aloud, "Life is one per customer. Your mother gets hers, and you get yours."
Sadly, those weren't the magic words for anyone but this particular young woman. :-) We each have our own set of magic words, and that's part of the challenge -- and part of the joy -- of the therapist's job.
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I had a client who had very intrusive and controlling parents, even though she was 21. I tried to convey the message that her life belonged to HER, and she could do whatever she wanted. She didn't hear me the first dozen ways I tried to reach her. One day I said, "Life is one per customer. Your mother gets hers, and you get yours."
I have no idea why THAT was the phrase that resonated with her, but she was really struck by it, and during subsequent weeks, whenever she'd be reporting on steps she took to make her own decisions, she'd say that she thought about what her mother would want her to do, and then she caught herself and repeated aloud, "Life is one per customer. Your mother gets hers, and you get yours."
Sadly, those weren't the magic words for anyone but this particular young woman. :-) We each have our own set of magic words, and that's part of the challenge -- and part of the joy -- of the therapist's job.