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A memorable scene (with a couple elisions) from The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (b. 1952-03-11, d. 2001-05-11) -- Part 6, aired 1978-04-12 on BBC Radio 4:
| FORD: | I mean couldn't help noticing, you know, the bodies. |
| CAPTAIN: | Bodies? |
| FORD: | All those dead telephone sanitizers and account executives, you know, in, in the hold. |
| CAPTAIN: | Oh! They're not dead! Good Lord, No, no. They're just frozen - they're going to be revived. |
| ARTHUR: | You really mean you've got a hold full of frozen hairdressers? |
| CAPTAIN: | Oh yes. Millions of them! Hairdressers, tired T.V. producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers... |
| [...] | |
| ARTHUR: | What's a "B Ark"? |
| CAPTAIN: | What? Oh, well! What happened you see, was our planet was doomed. |
| ARTHUR: | Doomed? |
| CAPTAIN: | Oh yes. So what everyone thought was, well let's pack the whole population in some sort of giant spaceship, you see, and go and settle on another planet! |
| ARTHUR: | You mean a less-doomed one? |
| CAPTAIN: | Oh precisely yes. So it was decided to build three ships, three Arks in space, anyway...where's the soap? Ah! Thank you. Ah! So the idea was that into the first ship, the A Ship, would go all the brilliant leaders... |
| NUMBER ONE: | The scientists... |
| CAPTAIN: | Yes, the great artists, you know, all the achievers. And then, into the third ship, the C Ship, would go all the people who did the actual work; who made things and did things you see. And then in the B Ship - |
| NUMBER ONE: | That's us. |
| CAPTAIN: | Yes. Would go everyone else, the middlemen you see. And so we were sent off first. |
| [...] | |
| Narrator: | [...] It was, of course, a descendent of these eccentric poets who invented this curious tale of impending doom which enabled the people of Golgafrincham to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population. The other two-thirds, of course, stayed at home and lived full, rich, and happy lives until they were all suddenly wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone. |
[And nowadays, our phones go everywhere with us. Perhaps it might be wise to wipe down your phone once in a while.]
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