eftychia: Me in kilt and poofy shirt, facing away, playing acoustic guitar behind head (cyhmn)
posted by [personal profile] eftychia at 05:24am on 2021-06-04

"I am seven years old.

"In school we read a chapter book about a boy who changes into a girl. My heart throbs until I feel it in my teeth and I feel like everyone is staring at me. Of course, they aren't. Back at home I stare at the cover, which shows a boy looking into a mirror to see a girl looking back, and I cry.

[...]

"I am nine years old.

"I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.

"As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.

[...]

"I am seventeen years old.

"Girls start to think I am a cute boy. I start to think I am an ugly girl.

-- Jennifer Coates, "I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.", 2016-03-11 [Note that this story is not the only/entire point of the piece -- there are some observations at the end about how all of us, cis and trans, closeted or out, tend to talk about gender, and who is allowed to say what.]

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