*chuckle* Glad to see my post gave SOMEONE a boost, even though it wasn't quite what I meant. :)
I understand where you're coming from on the "have difficulty asking for help", because I too do the same. I constantly offer other people help, but seem to have difficulty in asking for it myself, because I just can't.
I think part of it stems from seeing my mother all these years... The woman does not require help. Period. To ask for help is to show weakness, and she is not weak, and therefore will never ask for help. And in fact, when people offer her help, if she feels that it might possibly have the undertone of saying that there might be a weakness she needs assistance with, she will actually verbally hurt the person offering the assistance (having been the recipient of this for years, I can attest to this. My natural inclination to help results in a verbal sparring match, because my mother does NOT NEED HELP. EVER).
While I will not refuse help, having grown up in that kind of environment tends to repress the inclination to ask peopole for assistance. *smirk*
However, my post was reaching more towards those people like my mother (although I wasn't speaking of her). For people that you want to help, you try to help, and instead of getting thanked for trying to help, you get lambasted because in the process of helping them, you pointed out that they have a flaw. One that they don't wish to see. One that they don't wish others to see.
You are at least one or two steps ahead of that (and I'd say about on par with me, actually). Namely, that you know that you need the help, but you don't want to ask for it, and you feel very self concious about asking for it.
Takes a brave person to stand up and admit they need help. I'll admit, my post was twofold. One, admitting I need help. Two, trying to get someone else to admit that they need help, and to stop getting pissy at the people who actually care about them enough to try and dig them out of their hole, and to try and see that the hole exists. It's aggravating enough to be lambasted for caring about someone digging their own hole... Even moreso when the person then proceeds to tell others about how you're such a horrible person because you actually give two shits but don't know how to help them anymore, and are damn close to giving up.
Reminds me of my mother, really. *sigh*
Tell me where you're camping at Pennsic (I'm in B8, just on the other side of the Caid Royal Encampment). I'm bringing the fiddle, I think several of us need to get together and just put together an impromptu session. :)
Drop me a line, hon. We'll talk. And my paypal account seems to have a hole in it that may start leaking soon... It's for the cat, after all, not for you. ;)
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faireraven.livejournal.com at 06:40am on 2003-07-29
I understand where you're coming from on the "have difficulty asking for help", because I too do the same. I constantly offer other people help, but seem to have difficulty in asking for it myself, because I just can't.
I think part of it stems from seeing my mother all these years... The woman does not require help. Period. To ask for help is to show weakness, and she is not weak, and therefore will never ask for help. And in fact, when people offer her help, if she feels that it might possibly have the undertone of saying that there might be a weakness she needs assistance with, she will actually verbally hurt the person offering the assistance (having been the recipient of this for years, I can attest to this. My natural inclination to help results in a verbal sparring match, because my mother does NOT NEED HELP. EVER).
While I will not refuse help, having grown up in that kind of environment tends to repress the inclination to ask peopole for assistance. *smirk*
However, my post was reaching more towards those people like my mother (although I wasn't speaking of her). For people that you want to help, you try to help, and instead of getting thanked for trying to help, you get lambasted because in the process of helping them, you pointed out that they have a flaw. One that they don't wish to see. One that they don't wish others to see.
You are at least one or two steps ahead of that (and I'd say about on par with me, actually). Namely, that you know that you need the help, but you don't want to ask for it, and you feel very self concious about asking for it.
Takes a brave person to stand up and admit they need help. I'll admit, my post was twofold. One, admitting I need help. Two, trying to get someone else to admit that they need help, and to stop getting pissy at the people who actually care about them enough to try and dig them out of their hole, and to try and see that the hole exists. It's aggravating enough to be lambasted for caring about someone digging their own hole... Even moreso when the person then proceeds to tell others about how you're such a horrible person because you actually give two shits but don't know how to help them anymore, and are damn close to giving up.
Reminds me of my mother, really. *sigh*
Tell me where you're camping at Pennsic (I'm in B8, just on the other side of the Caid Royal Encampment). I'm bringing the fiddle, I think several of us need to get together and just put together an impromptu session. :)
Drop me a line, hon. We'll talk. And my paypal account seems to have a hole in it that may start leaking soon... It's for the cat, after all, not for you. ;)