Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

Regarding the uproar over a New York school's ban on bags and purses, and what followed from that ban (synopsis: "School officials quickly realized that banning backpacks and purses left female students with no way to carry pads or tampons, so [the principal] and his clown show amended the policy [...]. Female students would be allowed to carry bags, but only during their periods -- meaning that every female student carrying a bag would be subject to questioning about whether or not that was the case."), Slacktivist reader Raka wrote:

I'm very disappointed in all of you. I can't believe you'd put silly abstract principles above the safety of the children. Any policy that's intended to protect children cannot be wrong.

And in that spirit, I'd like to propose an amendment to the bag-ban. I remember smuggling any number of things hidden in loose-fitting pants when I was younger. The obvious solution is to mandate Spandex. Boys will be allowed to carry their books in front of their... fronts, but only when experiencing certain socially awkward physiological reactions. Any boys with books so positioned may be examined to ensure that they aren't abusing their privileges.

I can't foresee any reasonable objection to this proposal.

-- Raka, 2007-10-01