How counterproductive. (Uh, assuming that one wants to improve one's chances of having one's advances accepted.)
But it makes sense in a way that explains the "not obvious to Glenn" and the "something at a level that pre-empts strategic thinking" aspects of the phenomenon. If your explanation is correct, then I guess that's one more aspect of my assigned-gender (in my culture) that I failed to learn; one more way that I'm in-between.
Hmm. Polling -- or attempting to study -- my friends on this matter is pretty much guaranteed to produce womdigious sample-bias errors, isn't it?
Thinking of it this way brings up some other things about sexual behaviour that puzzle me. (Like how a man who acts as though he expects every woman to be flattered by his attention and that any woman who rejects him must have something wrong with her, can simultaneously hold the "I'm God's gift to women" and "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" memes. Or is it that merely being male is supposed to suffice in the minds of guys like that, so any effort expended on grooming/plumage/interpersonal-skills to become more attractive is some sort of admission that he isn't really "male enough"? Or am I completely off the rails here and asking the wrong questions?)
Hmm. Polling -- or attempting to study -- my friends on this matter is pretty much guaranteed to produce womdigious sample-bias errors, isn't it?
Womdigious, yes.
Thinking of it this way brings up some other things about sexual behaviour that puzzle me. (Like how a man who acts as though he expects every woman to be flattered by his attention and that any woman who rejects him must have something wrong with her, can simultaneously hold the "I'm God's gift to women" and "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" memes.
Being desired or found a good mate is not quite the same thing as being objectified, yes? For the male "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" meme holder, the assumption is that the woman is to accept/welcome the role of being objectified. I think -- and really, how should I know -- such a man expects to be judged on his lekking behavior, not to be evaluated for his fitness as a mate. A woman is supposed to respond to what he does for/to her, not to judge him on his appearance, smell, fashion sense, job stability, etc. Hence the behaviors I associate with such men of then being affronted by women finding them lacking for, e.g. their inadequate grooming.
It never ceases to amaze me how many males can and do benefit from direct advice in books and other similar sources (e.g. "Queer Eye...") to improve their personal hygene. How is it possible for anyone to make it to the age of 20 without the idea dawning that how one looks and smells will have an effect on mate attraction? I assume there must be some contrary underlying assumption so many men have.
Or is it that merely being male is supposed to suffice in the minds of guys like that, so any effort expended on grooming/plumage/interpersonal-skills to become more attractive is some sort of admission that he isn't really "male enough"? Or am I completely off the rails here and asking the wrong questions?)
Oh, I think that is in fact true for many men. In a sense, you're asking the fundamental question, "why aren't all single men metrosexuals"? and it's a great question. Clearly there has to be a reason, since the rewards, as you note, are considerable if one presumes one's goal is to get laid.
(no subject)
But it makes sense in a way that explains the "not obvious to Glenn" and the "something at a level that pre-empts strategic thinking" aspects of the phenomenon. If your explanation is correct, then I guess that's one more aspect of my assigned-gender (in my culture) that I failed to learn; one more way that I'm in-between.
Hmm. Polling -- or attempting to study -- my friends on this matter is pretty much guaranteed to produce womdigious sample-bias errors, isn't it?
Thinking of it this way brings up some other things about sexual behaviour that puzzle me. (Like how a man who acts as though he expects every woman to be flattered by his attention and that any woman who rejects him must have something wrong with her, can simultaneously hold the "I'm God's gift to women" and "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" memes. Or is it that merely being male is supposed to suffice in the minds of guys like that, so any effort expended on grooming/plumage/interpersonal-skills to become more attractive is some sort of admission that he isn't really "male enough"? Or am I completely off the rails here and asking the wrong questions?)
(no subject)
Womdigious, yes.
Thinking of it this way brings up some other things about sexual behaviour that puzzle me. (Like how a man who acts as though he expects every woman to be flattered by his attention and that any woman who rejects him must have something wrong with her, can simultaneously hold the "I'm God's gift to women" and "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" memes.
Being desired or found a good mate is not quite the same thing as being objectified, yes? For the male "I'm the objectifier, not the objectified" meme holder, the assumption is that the woman is to accept/welcome the role of being objectified. I think -- and really, how should I know -- such a man expects to be judged on his lekking behavior, not to be evaluated for his fitness as a mate. A woman is supposed to respond to what he does for/to her, not to judge him on his appearance, smell, fashion sense, job stability, etc. Hence the behaviors I associate with such men of then being affronted by women finding them lacking for, e.g. their inadequate grooming.
It never ceases to amaze me how many males can and do benefit from direct advice in books and other similar sources (e.g. "Queer Eye...") to improve their personal hygene. How is it possible for anyone to make it to the age of 20 without the idea dawning that how one looks and smells will have an effect on mate attraction? I assume there must be some contrary underlying assumption so many men have.
Or is it that merely being male is supposed to suffice in the minds of guys like that, so any effort expended on grooming/plumage/interpersonal-skills to become more attractive is some sort of admission that he isn't really "male enough"? Or am I completely off the rails here and asking the wrong questions?)
Oh, I think that is in fact true for many men. In a sense, you're asking the fundamental question, "why aren't all single men metrosexuals"? and it's a great question. Clearly there has to be a reason, since the rewards, as you note, are considerable if one presumes one's goal is to get laid.