Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

"During the 18 years I served in the Senate, Republicans often disagreed with each other. But there was much that held us together. We believed in limited government, in keeping light the burden of taxation and regulation. We encouraged the private sector, so that a free economy might thrive. We believed that judges should interpret the law, not legislate. We were internationalists who supported an engaged foreign policy, a strong national defense and free trade. These were principles shared by virtually all Republicans.

"But in recent times, we Republicans have allowed this shared agenda to become secondary to the agenda of Christian conservatives. As a senator, I worried every day about the size of the federal deficit. I did not spend a single minute worrying about the effect of gays on the institution of marriage. Today it seems to be the other way around.

"The historic principles of the Republican Party offer America its best hope for a prosperous and secure future. Our current fixation on a religious agenda has turned us in the wrong direction. It is time for Republicans to rediscover our roots."

-- John C. Danforth, Episcopal Minister, former United States senator from Missouri, and former United States ambassador to the United Nations.

Not doing well. Feeling too-easily overwhelmed on top of (probably largely because of) how poorly I'm feeling physically. Discovered one more "the week isn't going as planned" detail last night that'll take more spoons than I have to fix, and went into brainfreeze. Can't cope. Dunno that right now is so impressively worse than other times moment-by-moment; I think it's more than I'm worn out by how long this bad spell has lasted and what it's starting to cost me in strain on relationships, ability to meet commitments, and pending bureacratic hassles from not handling paperwork on time. It feels like everything is snowballing.

Also hurt myself last night. Moved someone's coffee table twice without doing myself any harm (at the one rehearsal I actually got to, out of three I was supposed to this week), then carried groceries wrong and hurt both arms. Go figure. In a "scream and rant with a why-me theme and much look-how-my-life-sucks" mood, which means I'd better stay away from the keyboard after I edit this entry down to take most of that out. Obviously, I'm leaving some in.

Had a wee errand to do today; now realizing I lack even the spoons for that. Giving up on plans is hard, the more so when "it's wafer thin" in terms of how much impact it should have [*boom* *splat* *eww*], but I'm forcing myself to give up on doing it today so that I can either rest for tomorrow's gig or try to find the energy to deal with the garb monkey-wrench by then. (If anyone was already planning an Arlington-Baltimore run this evening and doesn't mind a side trip, let me know.)

Okay, putting down the keyboard now. Putting down the keyboard and closing my eyes and hoping for a little sleep and less "my brain hurts".

And I've got "Surrender" by Cheap Trick floating through my brain.

The way I have things set up, in theory I should see copies of the same mail whether I read it on one of my own Linux machines or via telnet to my ISP. In practice, until recently, I've seen more spam at home than at my ISP but it's otherwise worked as expected. (That is, the set of messages at home has been a superset of the messages at my ISP, with all the additional messsages being spam/worms.) Lately I've been getting some (legitimate) messages in one place but not the other, and I've had examples of missing messages on both sides. So a) I'm not seeing all of my mail each time I check, and b) I'm starting to wonder whether there are also some messages being dropped entirely from both streams. (This also means I'm not seeing all of my LJ notification messages; I'm guessing that I get about 75% of them. (I haven't gone and counted up all the comments to compare numbers yet, just noticed that some comments appeared w/o notification email.)

Now it appears some of my outbound mail is vanishing as well.

At the moment, I don't have enough spoons to spend a couple hours testing, tweaking, and troubleshooting in order to gather enough information to say anything useful to the support folks at my ISP. As soon as I'm up to it, I'll try to get it sorted out. For now it's one more frustration I'm not coping with very well.