Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

"Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic." -- Florence Ambrose, in the comic strip Freefall by Mark Stanley, 2007-01-22

This just showed up in my mailbox, un-credited. [Edit: It took asking Google three different ways and then Googling additional clues as they turned up in a sort of breadcrumb-trail, but I think it's by Andy Borowitz (the original has one extra "in other news" paragraph at the end), a slight reworking of what he posted for last year's SotU.] My favourite bit is the very last line.

Breaking News

Bush's State of the Union Address to be Simulcast in English
President Hopes to Reach Broader Audience, Aides Say

For the first time since he was elected president of the United States, George W. Bush's State of the Union address tonight will be simulcast in English, the White House confirmed.

With the public unenthusiastic about the president's plan to send a "surge" of troops to Baghdad, the decision to simulcast the speech in English was widely seen as an attempt by Mr. Bush to make an appeal to a broader audience.

"The majority of people in this country are English speaking, and quite frankly, we can't afford to ignore them any longer," White House spokesperson Tony Snow said. "Hopefully, by doing the English simulcast, we'll be reaching out to a lot of those folks."

Once the decision was made earlier in the month to launch the historic first English simulcast of a speech by President Bush, then began the hard work of translating the text of the address from Mr. Bush's language into English.

Davis Logsdon, a professor of linguistics at the University of Minnesota, was one of several scholars approached to do the translation who ultimately quit in frustration.

"The problem is that the language the president speaks, by most measures, is not a language at all," Professor Logsdon said.

In his speech, President Bush is expected to downplay setbacks in Iraq and will instead highlight the accomplishments of his six years in office, including his historic decision to cancel the agreement between nouns and verbs.

Also, a big thank you to ohiblather for my new icon! (And the conveniently-timed satire to forward means I don't have to lablel this a GIP ("gratuitous icon post"). Heh.)

This annoys. I had really wanted to get to 3LF tonight. I'd told multiple people I planned to be there. I'd made plans to talk to folks there, made plans for after, and was looking forward to getting in some double-bass time.

My body did not cooperate with this plan. *grumble* When I realized I was running behind schedule (before rehearsal had started, but when I should have already been in the car on my way there), I sent mail saying that I was running about an hour behind but hadn't given up on going yet. Problem is, my body was moving more and more slowly, not gaining momentum.

Part of this is the fibromyalgia, the fatigue associated with it, and fallout from the sleep-wackiness tangled up in it. My sleep schedule is kinda inside-out this week (two inconveniently-timed "OhMyGodIGottaLieDownNowZzzzz" crashy periods a day and difficulty falling asleep when I want to to try to shift the pattern around), which doesn't help, right there. I'm not sure whether I'd be recovered yet from the effort of the Pirate Feast (Saturday) otherwise, but I'm fighting off an illness and that's playing hob with my "get-stuff-done"-itude as well. (So far the fight is a draw, with the illness not getting enough of a toehold for me to tell whether it'll be more cold-like or more flu-like, but my not quite managing to get it to leave me alone and stop threatening to knock me down more thoroughly. I'm still producing enough snot to wake me up feeling like I'm choking, but not all the time. I'm going through my garlic supply rapidly and will need to buy more soon, and am trying to get a lot of rest and a lot of warm liquids, plus vitamin C and zinc.) Still, I'd really hoped to make it to rehearsal tonight. Especially with the number of rehearsals in a row that I've missed recently.

So ... this is me being frustrated and annoyed, grumbling and trying to pretend that there's a meaningful difference between this grumble and a whine. (They really should be different things, but hey, there's overlap.)

So I guess I'll try to build up my quotes-queue a bit and maybe get a little non-whiny writing done, if I don't fall asleep first. And try to make it out of the house tomorrow for other things. And really, really hope that I face fewer obstacles getting to rehearsal next week (and, importantly, the rehearsal and recording session scheduled for Friday and Saturday).