Reb Brad's English gets a bit convoluted, doesn't it?
My 'Ow!' doesn't mean "You're evil", it means "I hurt." And I'll write up the rest of that myself, rather than impose on *your* journal for that space.
I regret that I will have problems using your preferred pronouns. My problem, not yours, and I ask your forebearance as I learn to deal with it.
Even though our interaction is and will likely remain by text-over-IP, my thought-patterns remain largely kinesthetic, and at our last F2F meeting you moved like someone who has male-grown hips. I find it unlikely that this is ever going to change, as rebuilding pelvises is not a standard part of sex-reassignment surgery, even for people who are interested in that (which is something I don't know about you, whether or not you have that interest).
I am confused as to why pronoun-choice should be so deeply "wired." I observe this to be so, but don't know why, or what is involved in the mechanics of the process of changing it. Or, separately, the art of implementing that change. I assume you to have more thoughts than I do about this subject, since you're on the *receiving* end of the problem; would you care to share them?
best,
Joel. Who's dealing more with feet than genitalia recently, and would much prefer to reverse that.
"My 'Ow!' doesn't mean "You're evil", it means "I hurt.""
Good way of putting that.
As for the rest ... it's a little complicated. Or figuring out how to talk about it concisely is. We kinda pick up on who gets pronouns wrong out of disrespect and who is just finding adapting way harder than it should be (and the occasional slip by someone who mostly has it worked out). There is slack, if it's clear someone is sincerely trying. As for my hips, all too often these days I move like someone whose legs hurt. (Even though it's a shape-change instead of a motion-change, I wonder whether my having breasts now will help the next time we see each other in person.)
I don't know what will work or you, but compare it to other verbal changes that reflect a change in identity, status, or circumstance: a friend changing from Ms. to Dr. or from Mr. to Fr. or Rev., a friend taking on their spouse's surname, a politician changing from Sen. to Sec. or from Mayor to Gov., a friend dropping a childhood nickname, someone entering a religious order and taking a religious name, someone going from Corporal to Sgt. ... None of these are the same (many are closer to name-change than pronoun-change), but maybe (?) you can find some useful parallels in the "update your mental tags for somebody" process?
Also, while my pronoun isn't they/them, it is a way to leave a gendered pronoun unspecified. I won't be thrilled with people using they/them or sie/hir as a way of signalling that they don't really think I deserve a she/her, but I can cut folks some slack for using they/them as a kind of crutch (or safety-harness?) to avoid falling all the way back to he/him while installing my new pronoun on your mental model of me. *hug* (And, of course, any time when they/them or sie/hir would be natural in their gender-not-relevant-here meaning -- instead of their gender-not-binary meaning or gender-has-a-question-mark meaning -- will remain as correct when apllied to me as when applied to anyone else.)
Breasts would certainly help, agreed, at least as long as we're facing each other. My until-this-conversation understanding of your sexual identity was "in a non-binary continuum-space and pleased with it," i.e., not "transitioning" to or from anything and happy with the current state of things-within-DGlenn, however alien to non-DGlenn humans that state might be. My understanding from this conversation is that that understanding is incorrect. I don't yet have a better model to replace it with. Possibly you are engaged in a protracted and deliberate process of transitioning from one non-binary space to another? As I find it unlikely we'd be sharing a bed any time soon I don't think my understanding is critical or timely, so feel free to enlighten me or not at your convenience.
My imagination, being silly that way, is imagining breasts with beards on them. I've had furry girlfriends before, but not that furry.
best,
Joel
(no subject)
My 'Ow!' doesn't mean "You're evil", it means "I hurt." And I'll write up the rest of that myself, rather than impose on *your* journal for that space.
I regret that I will have problems using your preferred pronouns. My problem, not yours, and I ask your forebearance as I learn to deal with it.
Even though our interaction is and will likely remain by text-over-IP, my thought-patterns remain largely kinesthetic, and at our last F2F meeting you moved like someone who has male-grown hips. I find it unlikely that this is ever going to change, as rebuilding pelvises is not a standard part of sex-reassignment surgery, even for people who are interested in that (which is something I don't know about you, whether or not you have that interest).
I am confused as to why pronoun-choice should be so deeply "wired." I observe this to be so, but don't know why, or what is involved in the mechanics of the process of changing it. Or, separately, the art of implementing that change. I assume you to have more thoughts than I do about this subject, since you're on the *receiving* end of the problem; would you care to share them?
best,
Joel. Who's dealing more with feet than genitalia recently, and would much prefer to reverse that.
(no subject)
Good way of putting that.
As for the rest ... it's a little complicated. Or figuring out how to talk about it concisely is. We kinda pick up on who gets pronouns wrong out of disrespect and who is just finding adapting way harder than it should be (and the occasional slip by someone who mostly has it worked out). There is slack, if it's clear someone is sincerely trying. As for my hips, all too often these days I move like someone whose legs hurt. (Even though it's a shape-change instead of a motion-change, I wonder whether my having breasts now will help the next time we see each other in person.)
I don't know what will work or you, but compare it to other verbal changes that reflect a change in identity, status, or circumstance: a friend changing from Ms. to Dr. or from Mr. to Fr. or Rev., a friend taking on their spouse's surname, a politician changing from Sen. to Sec. or from Mayor to Gov., a friend dropping a childhood nickname, someone entering a religious order and taking a religious name, someone going from Corporal to Sgt. ... None of these are the same (many are closer to name-change than pronoun-change), but maybe (?) you can find some useful parallels in the "update your mental tags for somebody" process?
Also, while my pronoun isn't they/them, it is a way to leave a gendered pronoun unspecified. I won't be thrilled with people using they/them or sie/hir as a way of signalling that they don't really think I deserve a she/her, but I can cut folks some slack for using they/them as a kind of crutch (or safety-harness?) to avoid falling all the way back to he/him while installing my new pronoun on your mental model of me. *hug* (And, of course, any time when they/them or sie/hir would be natural in their gender-not-relevant-here meaning -- instead of their gender-not-binary meaning or gender-has-a-question-mark meaning -- will remain as correct when apllied to me as when applied to anyone else.)
(no subject)
Breasts would certainly help, agreed, at least as long as we're facing each other. My until-this-conversation understanding of your sexual identity was "in a non-binary continuum-space and pleased with it," i.e., not "transitioning" to or from anything and happy with the current state of things-within-DGlenn, however alien to non-DGlenn humans that state might be. My understanding from this conversation is that that understanding is incorrect. I don't yet have a better model to replace it with. Possibly you are engaged in a protracted and deliberate process of transitioning from one non-binary space to another? As I find it unlikely we'd be sharing a bed any time soon I don't think my understanding is critical or timely, so feel free to enlighten me or not at your convenience.
My imagination, being silly that way, is imagining breasts with beards on them. I've had furry girlfriends before, but not that furry. best, Joel