Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

I woke feeling better than I have in a while, listening to the sound of the rain (there's freezing rain nearby, but here in the city water is currently a liquid), with a half-remembered dream already receeding further from memory. I rolled over and wrote three pages in my paper journal, a slightly edited version of which I now type here...

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20021211.1026
Rain/Freezing Rain
Peaceful

There's sort of a snow-day quiet but with rain sound as backdrop instead of the snow hush. I just woke from a dream tat was already mostly forgotten by the time I realized I was starting to wake -- it had something to do with shopping, and prescriptions, and being the last client someplace that wanted to close up for the day. Important thing is that I woke up gently for a change ... and I was convinced that it must be well after noon because I felt so rested, even though it turns out I only slept a little more than five hours.

My body doesn't feel good, but it definitely feels less bad now than it has for a spell.

Taking inventory: my head feels a little floaty -- yes I could've used twice as much sleep. My neck feels weak + shaky but only hurts a little bit where the muscles are working to hold my head up. There's a feeling of pressure at my temples but it's not too bad. My shoulders have that "a touch sore from being tired" feeling, which is a big improvement over the "cannot find a comfortable position" or "feel like I exercised too hard yesterday and wrecked something" feelings I've had there for the past couple of weeks. My arms feel a little tense (actually they feel like they're trembling a little but my eyes say they're not) -- my elbows actually hurt a little, as does my left forearm (probably because I'm writing). My hands just feel weak. I feel twinges in my upper back as I move but not when I'm still. My lower back hurts in some positions and while moving (just did a litle test wiggle in bed) but there are positions that don't hurt. What pain I do have in my back is far less than usual. My sacroiliac is right at the threshold of perceptible pain -- just enough to remind me I have one.

My ribs feel a little tight, a little sore -- the "oh, you exercised yesterday" instead of the "oh God I exercised way too much" that they've felt the past few weeks. Note that I didn't exercise, but did get a little bit of masage last night. My diaphraghm feels a little tired. The muscles in my chest around my sternum feel kind of like my sacroiliac -- hurt just barely enough to remind me they're there.

My pelvis feels a little funny -- doesn't hurt, but there's this ... sort of a bone-tingle and a feeling like something's not quite lined up right. But it doesn't hurt.

My thighs are tense and a little sore -- the left more so than the right. It doesn't hurt to move, but applying pressure to the fronts of my legs is uncomfortable. My knees actually hurt. They feel weak and unreliable (this is the impression after rolling over in bed -- I haven't stood up yet, but I'm expecting a "bad stair day" [when I did stand up my knees turned out to be doing better than I'd thought]) and there's this funny vibration sensation in them. A nerve vibration -- the muscles aren't actually doing anything. My calves feel tight, the same kind of tight that they'd feel the day after ice skating, but nowhere near that bad. If I point my toes up my calves complain loudly; if I point my toes down enough to stretch a little, there's a small, painful knot on the outside of my left shin. My ankles mostly just have that "just woke up" feeling. My feet hurt at a noticeable but tolerable level, with most of the pain being between the metatarsals and near the tops of my feet. My toes are sore but I only notice when I wiggle them.

All in all, this is pretty good compared to how I usually feel, and fantastic compared to the past two weeks. And I feel more rested than I have in a couple of weeks. Despite feeling like I only got half the sleep I needed, this is more rested than I've felt for a spell.

[The acrylic came off of two nails yesterday and one broke, so I spent a few dollars of my grocery budget on an emergency trip to a nail salon so that I wouldn't wind up breaking off what was left at rehearsal -- these are my guitar picks.]

Last night, after she finished my nails, the woman at the nail salon squirted a little lotion on my hands and proceeded to massage my hands, fingers, wrists, and forearms. When I got to Thrir Venstri Foetr rehearsal, Diana started working on my left arm and shoulder, and silmaril joined in on my right hand and wrist. (Oh! How nice it felt on multiple levels when she massaged between my fingers!) Then Diana tried to align my ribs by sort of picking me up by my shoulders and shaking me gently. The result was that I could feel a wole bunch of tiny pains where muscles had unclenched enough to feel anything at all again, but total pain was decreased and my body felt way more flexible tan it had for a long, long time. I certainly had better motion/mobility in my left shoulder.

Another thing that may be relevant to how I feel today is the drug I took . The isometheptene [generic for Midrin -- the prescription was for just twelve capsules to try it out so it was only $11.50 that I was able to pay, as opposed to the $75 I complained about for my acid reflux drugs] that the PA prescribed for my headaches didn't make my headache magically vanish, but it did knock it down three or four notches. Significantly ... okay, interestingly -- I get to say "significantly" if it turns out to be repeatable ... Interestingly, my headaches have stayed at that level or below since then -- that is, night, all of , and so far this morning. The pattern of the past week or two has been my getting clobbered by one of these headaches daily, with the strength ranging from "I don't want to do anything and I'm not looking forward to driving," to "there's no way I can consider operating a vehicle and the pain is so bad I feel like I'll vomit." Yesterday it never got worse than "this is annoying and uncomfortable and I feel a little spacey".

And one more item that may be contributing: talking to the Sheepie last night was when I realized that what I've been feeling emotionally for a while is simply fear. Terror. Not just money stress but real fear. And just talking to her about other stuff -- loneliness, what happened with W___, what failed to happen with X___, how I feel about Y___ and Z___ -- and letting things up to the surface.

Anyow, I'm starting off more rested and with less pain than usual. If I can keep going long enough before my body decides it needs a break again, maybe I'll actually get things done today. Here's hoping.

In the time I've been writing this, a long thin stripe of pain along the bone in my left thigh has come and gone, my rigt hip has started complaining from the position I'm in, my rigt upper arm is tightening up a little, I've got a touch of eyestrain, and I'm feeling slightly dizzy and sleepy again. But the overall assessment that I feel better than I have in a couple weeks still stands so far...

I should eat something.

[fin] 20021211.1144

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Since rising, I've noticed that my knees aren't as bad as I'd thought -- not especially painfull, really, but every so often there's one of those "Oh [expletive], my knee is about to drop me" moments. Standing up unkinked the hip. And I ate something. I'm getting tired again already, but for the moment I'm still up and kind of alert.

Homespun Ceilidh Band rehearsal for tonight was called off because of the weather. I've got to call and find out whether the weight management class I'm supposed to go to in Gaithersburg is still on. Water's a liquid now, but after the sun goes down it could get messy and I don't know what the conditions are like a little SW of here. Snow doesn't slow me down much, but driving on ice is a whole lot less fun.