Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

I was planning on trying to get some other things done first, such as checking to see which costumes I can re-assemble by tonight without having to buy anything, trying to figure out which parties I have any way to get to (if any), and sorting through some email, but other folks' journal entries have got my brain all distractified, so I'm going to core-dump now and get to the other stuff later.

First, to the folks who celebrate this holiday and call it Hallowe'en: Happy Hallowe'en! As for the folks who celebrate Samhain, well there's some confusion about that which I'll go into a few paragraphs down, but for now, Happy Samhain!

Me, I'm a Christian, but I think All Saints Day is just a little ... weak. Everything I like about All Saints Eve (aka All Hallows Eve (Hallows E'en (Hallowe'en))) is really Samhain stuff that the Church failed to obliterate when it stuck All Hallows on top of Samhain's date. Yeah, a lot of Pagan imagery and customs persist in Christmas and Easter, but the Christian significance of those holidays is impossible to miss. With Hallowe'en, the Christian aspect is buried in the Celtic Pagan stuff.

Which puts me in an interesting spot: Hallowe'en/Samhain is my favourite holiday, but the holiday I'm celebrating is really from someone else's religion. (Easter, for the record, is the one I consider the most important holiday, but Samhain is more fun.) I don't really celebrate Hallowe'en; I celebrate Samhain. I just call it Hallowe'en part of the time to avoid confusing people who have no clue what Samhain is. In this regard I'm in the same boat as at least one person on my friends list, whom I'd point to except that she wrote about it in a locked entry.

Anyhow, in addtion to starting to explain my personal feelings about this holiday (more on that later), the little historical asides set up the confusion bit: You see, Samhain was the Celtic new year. And the Christian church tried to cover it up with All Hallows. Which suggests that Samhain would be 1 November, not 31 October. And I'd always thought that was the case -- that either the holiday starts at sundown, or that the big fuss is a Samhain-Eve party just like we make a big fuss on the evening of 31 December and have quieter traditions on 1 January (such as comparing hangover rememdies, watching lots of television, and eating black-eyed peas). But, of course, just as all the fun stuff and symbolism overwhelmed the weak attempt to cover it up with a new Christian holiday, all of that is attached to the 31 October date ... so everyone who focuses on those aspects is going to refer to 31 October, not 1 November, as Samhain. Here's my confusion and my queston (which I've also posted in comments to other people's journals): have I been mistaken all the years I've wished folks "Happy New Year" on the first of November instead of the last day of October? Or are the folks saying that Hallowe'en == Samhain being sloppy?

Either way, happy "night between the years, when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest", whether that's properly Samhain or Samhain-eve. Or happy All Hallow's Eve, for the folks for whom that's more appropriate.

I've heard lots of explanations for trick-or-treat, jack-o-lanterns, and all the "spooky" imagery and symbolism associated with this holiday, and enough of those explanations sound bogus that I'm not sure how well to trust the ones that sound reasonable. Here's what does make sense to me: that Samhain is the old Celtic new-year, that the changing of the years includes some period of time "between the years" that's not "normal time", and that during that between-the-years time, the barriers between this world and the [next/other] are thinner than normal. So scary things (but also lost friends and relatives) might come visiting, and it's a more potent time than usual for magick. Note that you don't have to believe in magick, or other worlds, for this to make sense from a sociological/anthropological/comparitive-religion standpoint. And I'm not claiming "This Is The True Historical Explanation"; I'm just saying that of all the well-argued and poorly-argued explanations I've read (so far), these are the elements that sound right to me.

Anyhow, it makes sense that it's a special night, and a powerful night. (By the way, I've read one source that said Samhain was traditionally ten days long, and the whole ten days were considered "between the years". That source had no bibliography and I haven't found the same claim made anywhere else, but it's an interesting notion. I'd love to see it confirmed or debunked.) The more so if one does believe in ... well let's go for a less touchy phrasing in our mostly rationalist-materialist culture, and say, "if one does have an interest in mysticism," for now, okay?

Hallowe'en, with its costume aspects and its "be someone you wouldn't normally be" tradition, has long been an important holiday for both gay culture and transgendered people (whether they're involved in "the culture" or not). Being transgendered, hey I've got one more reason to be drawn to a holiday that already has a lot going for it. And for most people, there's a lot of interesting psychology in this "excuse to look foolish or shocking or in any way different" night. There are so many ways to approach Hallowe'en costumes -- make people laugh, show people how clever you are, show people how skilled you are at crafts, be as scary as possible, be as flashy as possible ... and also, for the folks who choose to go there, a chance to wear a look or a persona you've wanted to but have been afraid to (or one that's considered "inappropriate" for one reason or another), or to confront something personally scary, or to try on something you've wondered about but don't know whether you'd like (or wouldn't want to be but would like to visit for a night). Or even something not so secret but that you never get a chance to show off in public. And the great thing about that second group of reasons for picking a costume is that on this night of the year, nobody can tell that you're doing that instead of some reason from the first group, so it's safe. If anyone looks at you funny, you can say, "It was just a Hallowe'en costume," and whatever they may think, they have to at least pretend to accept that explanation.

That's a powerful tool. Magical in its own, non-mystical way. (Though come to think of it, there are mystical aspects to masks as well ... but that's for a different paragraph.) And even though I don't know which of my friends are trying on a persona they've been keeping hidden and which are merely trying to be clever, it's fun to think about what might come out. It's fun to think of the people I care about having that night of emotional/identity freedom, even though I don't know which of them need that and which are just trying to come up with something to wear. (Me, I've chosen costumes several different ways. Yes, there was a time when I used Hallowe'en as an "excuse" to wear a skirt, dipping my toe in the water of peer-reaction; one or two people caught on faster than they had any right to, but they followed the Hallowe'en costume rule -- they played along with the "it was supposed to make everyone laugh" explanation -- and I had my safe space in which to explore.)

Trick-or-treat is for children, but I think the costume aspect of the holiday is more important for adults.

So, you've got this cool psychological experimentation ground, plus a lot of just plain clever costumes to go "Wow!" or giggle at. And let's face it, you've got some people letting themselves dress a little more "naughty" than they usually feel they're allowed to, which, for someone attracted to women and not significantly visually impaired, is just plain nice, okay? And you've got this big old excuse-for-a-party. And the fun "spooky" decorations, which can go gothy or cutesy and both of those can be fun. And an excuse to try coming up with all sorts of geeky special effects, to please the inner-geek and the wannabe-engineer (I imagine real engineers find that aspect even more fun). And there's candy. As a kid, trick-or-treat; as a grownup, leftovers from trick-or-treat.

And about the decorations ... it's an excuse for the house, heck, the whole street, to look different from what folks consider "stylish" or "acceptable" the rest of the year. And I like the change. Oh, I wouldn't like all of that stuff year-round, but it's a nice change. And some of it I would like for general decorating. At this time of year, it's not, "Oh how weird; how could you do that?" It's cool.

I've got a lot to like about this holiday. Admittedly, most of what I've listed relates to thoroughly modern details only loosely inspired by the Pagan roots of the holiday, but they have more to do with those roots than the special Mass the next morning.

And then we come back to the mystical aspect.

This is something I don't talk about all that much, because more than anything else I am, this is the bit most likely to light up the "Flake!" sign in other people's minds. More than being a born-again Christian, or a vegetarian, or into BDSM, or transgendered, or a medeival re-enactor, or a science fiction fan, or a football fan, or that I voted Green in the last presidential election. Saying that I am a mystic, or that I believe in some form of magick, is one of the most dangerous things I can say. So I don't say it often.

But I do say it. I'm just usually a bit more careful about my audience than right now. Though there is a page on my web site that gives it away.

Samhain may not be my faith's holiday, but I can feel that it's a powerful time, a special time. Like the Christian who whispered behind a friends-only filter, "Shh, don't tell, it's my favourite Holiday!" today, I note the thinning of the veil. I feel that after the partying (or, if the party runs too late, when I get a chance to excuse myself from the party for a little while), it's a time for quiet, personal contemplation and prayer. To feel that connection to the Earth, to the various energies around me, and to God. It's a good time to make sure I'm paying attention to the magickal, and to make sure whatever protections I feel prudent to set up are strong.

One year I had no party to go to for Samhain. And no great costume ideas. But the idea of letting the holiday go unmarked troubled me, so I put on medeival garb, put a guitar on my back and a sword at my hip, lit an oil lantern, and walked a few miles to the Seven-Eleven store for a snack. It was late enough that few other people were about, and walking down the highway, few enough cars passed me to interrupt my meditation -- it's so much easier and safer to meditate while walking than while driving, and I wanted to feel connected to the world around me -- that I had time to really get into the feel of the night and that particular place. Midnight struck while I was walking home again. And something moved in the corner of my eye.

There I was in a Maryland suburb, surrounded by tidy lawns and driveways, and something -- somethings -- moved where I could not quite see them. There were a half dozen or maybe eight, and never there when I looked where I thought they'd been; always on the far edges of my peripheral vision, indistinct. Small, wispy, pale, and not-quite-there. So I stopped. And drew forth my guitar.

I played for them, and they danced. And when I tired of playing, I put the guitar on my back and I bowed to them. I thanked them for their dance, and they dispersed. And I walked the rest of the way home.

There are plenty of biological or psychological explanations for what I experienced. I don't claim that my experience proves such things are real -- even of there were no other explanations, the experience was solo, unconfirmed by other eyes than my own. But I know what I took away from that experience. Phenomenologically, it was real. The joy and connectedess I felt were significant and meaningful. This is not a science problem; this is something else entirely. (And science cannot tell me, in this case, that it was not real; science can only offer explanations for how it might not have been. I do not believe in what I saw as a scientist; I believe it as a mystic.)

Most years I try to find some time -- even if only fifteen minutes -- to spend in a park or someplace not too oppressively "civilized", just reaching out with my mind and reminding myself of my connection to the land, the plants, the sky, and to the Lord. Worst case, I just wait for the city to quiet down and stare out at the night sky for a while.

I can always go back to being a scientist again in the morning.

So there you have a great deal of what Samhain means to me; a holiday not of my own religion, but which is important to me on a religious level nonetheless. And all the other stuff I said about it before I got to the magickal parts.

It's my favourite holiday. And now I've said why.

And I'm listening to a song that, by rights, I should listen to every day of the year except today. :-)

"They say, 'why are you dressed like it's Hallowe'en? you look so absurd, you look so obscene'
Why can't I live a life for me?
Why should I take the abuse that's served?
Why can't they see they're just like me?"