Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

I'm still pretty blue, but I'm feeling better enough emotionally to actually want to go to the quadruple birthday party tonight (and going there would probably make me feel even better). And there are particular people I really want to see there, as well as wanting to give birthday greetings to the four honorees. Unfortunately I'm not feeling great physically -- my eyes are wonky and I don't want to drive when I feel like this. Argh.

I fell into my usual trap: pushing forward with trying to get ready / feel ready, despite moving more and more slowly, then switching gears and telling myself, "maybe if I rest a little while I'll feel well enough to go while it's not too late to be worth showing up". Except that I just realized I was in the pattern, and the next step is to keep noticing how much later it's getting, without getting enough real rest for the plan to work, and more and more convinced that the party-time:travel-time ratio is already bad and/or that showing up so late that some of the people I want to see will have already left will be too frustrating or awkward. The step after that is to feel completely frustrated in the special "plans didn't work out" way that I get and make myself miserable over it.

So the proper answer is probably to surrender, to explicitly acknowledge that I'm not going to get to the party given that it's already 23:00 and I still need to clear snow off Mom's van (which, due to other plan-glitchitude, I haven't returned yet ... but if I had returned it, I wouldn't have any way to get to the party at all), and try to deal with how frustrated I am over this now instead of working myself up to a more painful level.

Knowing that only helps a little bit. It still sucks.