So many disagreements are caused by words being taken out of context.
I tend to agree that, taken out of context, the "killer myth of monogamy" could indeed imply that monogamy doesn't exist/never works. It's one of those "you need to read for content and mull it over" things. People often respond to their initial gut reaction before realizing that there might be another possible interpretation.
I think that the phrase can be summarized thus: It's a myth that monogamy will work for everyone, and/or that it will make everything all right. Monogamy works for some people. Polyamory works for some people. (Apparently you can do either, which impresses me, because I am so very much not wired that way.)
[I tried being monogamous for years because I didn't know I had any other options. As you can imagine, it caused more pain and woe than I care to admit to entirely too many people who got involved with me (including me!). Heck, it even ended my first marriage, which could arguably be considered my last-ditch effort at monogamy (or something crazy like that).]
How many times I've been told my monogamous people that relationships like mine "don't work." I tend to hang in a socially liberal crowd, so I'd imagine many poly folks get this line even more often than I. One can imagine a certain defensive tone creeping into a person's discussion of polyamory after a while. Heck, I certainly wonder, after thirteen years with my beloved and ten years of marriage, how long until it DOES work, eh? ;-)
Preaching to the choir, probably
So many disagreements are caused by words being taken out of context.
I tend to agree that, taken out of context, the "killer myth of monogamy" could indeed imply that monogamy doesn't exist/never works. It's one of those "you need to read for content and mull it over" things. People often respond to their initial gut reaction before realizing that there might be another possible interpretation.
I think that the phrase can be summarized thus: It's a myth that monogamy will work for everyone, and/or that it will make everything all right. Monogamy works for some people. Polyamory works for some people. (Apparently you can do either, which impresses me, because I am so very much not wired that way.)
[I tried being monogamous for years because I didn't know I had any other options. As you can imagine, it caused more pain and woe than I care to admit to entirely too many people who got involved with me (including me!). Heck, it even ended my first marriage, which could arguably be considered my last-ditch effort at monogamy (or something crazy like that).]
How many times I've been told my monogamous people that relationships like mine "don't work." I tend to hang in a socially liberal crowd, so I'd imagine many poly folks get this line even more often than I. One can imagine a certain defensive tone creeping into a person's discussion of polyamory after a while. Heck, I certainly wonder, after thirteen years with my beloved and ten years of marriage, how long until it DOES work, eh? ;-)