Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

Saw doctor. When she has my chart in front of her, she calmly writes new prescriptions same as old like it's all reasonable; when she doesn't have my chart (about half the time, her staff fails to get my chart from records on the day I have an appointment), she acts surprised at what I'm taking and says it's all too, too much.

She gave my symptoms a scary-sounding name, which she politely translated ("feeling like you're going to faint"), said there's all sorts of stuff that can cause this, that she doesn't have some of the equipment she'd want to use, and since I don't have insurance that covers specialists (which she'd be sending me to) anyhow, I have to go to the emergency room. She was extremely concerned that I'm living alone and have these symptoms. (I would have mentioned Perrine, but I get the impression that only folks who can call 911 on my behalf count, not cats.) She did do some low-tech tests to rule out stroke as a likely cause, and seemed to consider my already having stopped various drugs for two weeks at a time for troubleshooting purposes, to be convenient for her.

She also gave me a cane. Golly gee, it turns out that having something to lean on when I'm beyond arm's-reach of walls and furniture helps... (Yeah, yeah, point and say "duh", go ahead...) But the big message I took away from this afternoon is that while I've been mostly annoyed and frustrated (and uncomfortable) from all this, she's seriously concerned (er ... and I guess that when the professional is more worried than I am, it's probably a sign that I should be more worried).

So very much dreading the emergency room. It's going to be a long, uncomfortable day, in a loud, glare-y, uncomfortable place, feeling bored and trapped and probably hungry after a while; since I won't be spurting blood or sporting visible bits of bone or turning blue, I'm going to have to wait and wait while folks with much more time-sensitive emergencies (emergencies that I think of as being, well y'know, emergencies) go ahead of me. So very full of dread. And all just so that I can say, "I'm here because I can't afford to go where I should, so I'm going to rack up an even bigger bill that we all know I won't be able to pay -- which maybe shouldn't stress me out as much as it does, since it is The Way The Game Is Played Here, expected and all, but it still feels like doing something wrong.

I want Canadian-style health care. I really don't think Obama will give us that, but I do hope he can bring Congress around to giving us something better -- and more sane -- than what we have now. Anyhow, I can't afford to wait that long, so the ER it'll be. Any locals care to weigh in on which ER I should choose?

But for the moment, I think I need to lie down, with earplugs in, close my eyes, and let my cat curl up against me.