Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

A friend pointed out to me that I may have screwed up with today's QotD entry. She wrote, "I'm not strongly asserting that you did a wrong thing, I'm just not sure either way," and I'll take the cautious path of assuming that this means there is enough of a problem or potential for same that I should address it, that the "not sure" reflects (consciously or not) uncertaintly about the magnitude of the problem rather than the existence of the problem. This is going to take the form of (a) an explanation, (b) explaining that I understand an explanation is not an apology, and (c) an apology. If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, the explanation is mostly for my own benefit, the "but I'm not a bad person" plaint; the part that really matters is the apology farther on.

Here's what I did: on a major Jewish holiday I posted an anti-merchant quote next to an explicit mention of Judaism (a holiday greeting), without stopping to consider the history of folks tying anti-Semitism to bankers, merchants, etc. I'm insulated enough from that meme that it's just not something I think of, not a connection I make on my own until I hear someone using those stereotypes in front of me ... but not so well insulated that I can use the "I wasn't even aware of that" excuse, since I have heard people say things like that in front of me, however infrequently; and now that it's been pointed out I can come up with examples from literature and other popular entertainment. So yeah, I get smacked with the "should have known better" stick. (Ouch.) I'd given up on finding a good Yom Kippur quote I really liked, and decided to look instead for something topical that was already in my quotes file, and I thought the Nietzsche quote went well with the protests of Wall Street. Of course, in hindsight, that specificity makes the quote an even worse fit for the day, since so many of the 1% the protesters are working against mostly the in finance sector, and the anti-Semitic meme in question, at least when it comes out in conspiracy theories, seems to mostly show up in a "they control the banks" form. Ugh. I didn't connect the two last night when I picked today's QotD. I didn't mean it that way ... but alas, intent is not f$%^ing magic.

So there's my explanation -- it's not a connection I make on my own, so I didn't see the problem. I honestly don't know how big a deal this is (and neither does the friend who pointed it out to me, at least not as of the time she wrote to me), but now that it has been pointed out, I see where, explainably or not, excusably or not, intentionally or not, (a) I may have most likely offended people -- friends, even -- and certainly made at least one friend uncomfortable enough to mention it, and (b) I may have reinforced that old meme in some reader's head, contributing to ongoing harm. The fact that I didn't mean to doesn't undo those -- it just means I feel bad about them. Ah, if only intent really were magic.

Therefore I must apologize. I wish to apologize to any of my readers -- friends, acquaintences, strangers -- who were offended, annoyed, or even just unsure whether I meant anything by the juxtaposition: I regret not your taking offense (which would be part of the standard formula for a non-apology-apology) but my carelessness in posting something which could so thoughtlessly offend you. I offer also an apology to Jews everywhere for reinforcing an ugly meme that runs through my culture regardless of my (privileged) ability to overlook it. For that matter, I'd like to apologize to the world for contributing to ugliness therein (can I do that, apologize to the whole world, or do I have to settle for offerring my regrets there?). And finally, my friends who feel let down that I "showed my ass" (again).

Even though I'm not Jewish and don't celebrate Yom Kippur, it does seem in keeping with the holiday that starts this evening, to wonder what I can do to atone for my thoughtlessness. Is a post such as this one, examining and apologizing, enough? Should I remove this morning's entry and replace it with a different quote, or is the damage there pretty much already done? Something else?

I do know that I am going to offend people, or at least annoy them, from time to time. And however much I Want Everyone To Like Me, I'm not going to apologize every time I step on somebody's toes. Some quotes are going to be a little edgy, and some are going to reflect points of view on which folks disagree, and when I write in my own words sometimes I'll be saying things other people don't like -- I'm not going to apologize for every unpopular opinion. But this isn't a "boo hoo somebody didn't love my blog" situation; this is a "dammit, I overlooked a connection that could be interpreted as a message I really do not want to send, and I overlooked it because my dominant-religious/ethnic-group privilege made it something I don't have to notice as much as many of my friends do" problem. And yeah, that does require an apology. I'm sorry.

I just hope that I'm at least handling it better than the last time someone handed me a privilege check.