Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

I just found a twist-off bottle cap in an unexpected place.

On top of a distinctly non-twist-off bottle of sodapop.

That is, the cap was clearly marked "Twist Off", with little arrows reminding folks which direction to twist, which I thought was odd since the bottle looked just like the bottles for a different brand of soda that doesn't use twist-offs. And when I took a closer look, I saw that it was in fact the kind of bottle for which one needs a bottle opener (or a mid-1970s General Motors seat belt buckle). Consequently, the cap actually twisted in both directions, not just the direction of the arrows, but neither direction accomplished anything more than testing qualification for membership in the Church of the Easily Amused[1]

Glad I noticed before tearing up the palm of my hand trying to twist it off.

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[1] The Church of the Easily Amused has two types of members, High Priestesses and Sex Toys. I officially hold both titles simultaneously. One is inducted into the church by being led in the church cheer by an existing member. If the cheer amuses you, you definitely belong. And no, I didn't found it. It was already established well before I was invited to join ... fifteen or twenty years ago.

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as stands." -- Robert Benchley, "Quick Quotations" (thanks to austin_dern, who observed, "I note in the lists of Robert Benchley quotations I see in standard compilations, the second sentence above is trimmed, and I don't know if it's because the compiler didn't get the joke, or did."

(And a bonus quotation simply because I couldn't resist providing another example: "Stay serious. Folk songs are serious." -- Arlo Guthrie. Go ahead and click through for the context...)

This just arrived in my mailbox:

Top Ten Reasons Dorothy was Greeted as a Liberator...and Bush Wasn't

by William Domingo

10. The Wicked Witch of the East actually HAD weapons of mass destruction.

9. Local contracts were awarded to the Lullaby League and the Lollipop Guild, not Halliburton.

8. Dorothy apologized for her misuse of the House's powers.

7. Evil oppressor legally verified as "really most sincerely dead" rather than "maybe dead."

6. Dorothy got it that she wasn't in Kansas any more.

5. Dorothy didn't take Toto with her just because he was Prime Minister.

4. Dorothy didn't jail Munchkins and make them blow each other for the cameras.

3. Dorothy had no interest in stealing the Munchkin's oil.

2. Dorothy wasn't taking orders from either the one with no brain or the one with no heart.

1. Dorothy didn't kill 100,000 civilian Munchkins, smirk, and then go on about her deep respect for life.

Among the rolls of film from my freezer that I've gotten processed recently (I've still got a lot of exposed film left to get developed, dating back to 2001) was the one from a couple Balticons ago that included this slide I shot of a very patient person's unusual eye:


( a closer view of the iris (670x672 pixels, ~74KB) )

I've got friends whose eyes have radial stripes, but I don't recall seeing a pattern like this on anyone else. I think it's pretty. Which is why I asked for permission to stick a macro lens in her face.

Okay, here's what's up. I've got a whole bunch of medium-to-long journal entries in my mental queue, not completely composed yet (which would be convenient because then they'd just take typing-time to post), but I've had a lot of more urgent things on my to-do list and have been too tired and/or too distracted to get to those, and haven't managed to "give myself permission" to spend Active And Focused time composing them while other important stuff remains undone.

I still need to find out how much my emergency room bill will be. I have a lot of (heartfelt!) thank-you notes to write. I have a "how I'm really doing" entry to write. I have unfinished thoughts regarding weapons and violence to set into writeable form. I have a lot of Pennsic prep to do. I have annoying bureaucracies to deal with. I have computers to repair. Bills to pay. Old email to answer. Upcoming scheduling issues to work out. Research to do (the driver I abruptly encountered last month never gave me his insurance information (South Carolina tag "BOBSLED", if anyone can get it faster than I can) and isn't answering my email or my insurer's phone calls). Offers of help to accept -- and figure out exactly how to make use of. Tunes to practice, tunes to transcribe, tunes to finish composing. Kin to visit whom I haven't seen since before their trip to Cyprus. Computers to back up. And a leaking roof to slowly freak out over.

So I've been feeling overwhelmed. Then feeling guilty for feeling overwhelmed. And feeling foolish for feeling guilty. And feeling discombobulated over feeling foolish for how I feel. So that's why y'all haven't seen much more than "quickie" posts and quote-of-the-day entries from me lately. I'm here, I've even got a lot to say -- tales of niftiness as well as moderate woe, and even things that may pass for philosophy; I'm just not coping very well, and feeling that spending the time to compose LJ entries is a luxury. (So what about this one then? I'm typing it stream-of-consciousness and going very quickly and hoping to get it posted very quickly. Y'see, I've also been feeling guilty about neglecting LJ ...)

At least the weather has cooled off, the migraine with which I started the week is gone, and I've rediscovered the theraputic power of "hey-that's-cheating"-flavour[1][2] (blueberry) Jelly Belly jelly beans. I'd forgotten the bag of "hey-that's-cheating" and cognitive-dissonance[3] Jelly Bellys that I'd stashed, and I just found it again. Unfortunately, my arms are hurting rather badly from lugging fallen ceiling plaster and drywall out to the trash yesterday. (It looks like someone in the past just screwed drywall into the old plaster, then later someone applied stucco to the drywall, so the part of the ceiling that fell down included flat chunks and crumbly rock-like chunks, and lots of moldy dust.)

Tonight I'm getting ready for Baitcon, and am running way behind on that as well. So I formed a sort-of-coping plan: I'll make sure I've got the very basics covered -- tent, sleeping bag, meds, clothes, at least one camera, at least seven musical instruments; just the absolute essentials -- and then declare everything else Optional. If I get there without sheet music, oh well. If I get there without photos I wanted to show off, oh well. If I don't have the complete set of lenses and spare bodies, oh well. If I get there without 4/5 of my musical instruments, oh well. Air mattress, extra pillows, road CDs, PDA charger ... oh well. I'll pout (very quietly) later instead of making myself bugfuck crazy tonight. I'll not rush, just pack until I feel the need to sleep or sit in front of the computer for a while, and see how far I get, then make sure I'm dressed when syntonic_comma and anniemal show up with the van.

Similarly, I'll make sure the tarp and buckets are arranged according to my best guess of where they need to be now that there's less ceiling there, try to get to the most urgent of the email, and try very very hard not to drive myself crazy thinking about what's not getting recorded if I don't get arount to programming the VCRs in time. The point of this weekend is to hang out with friends I don't see often enough, make music, relax, and eat interesting flavours of homemade ice cream, not to find out just how stressed I can make myself, right?

Okay, I think I'm getting taste-bud fatigue from the "hey-that's-cheating" jelly beans, so I'll have a few cognitive-dissonance ones now. And then go make sure there's a clear path through the living room to the tent.

Looking forward to seeing several of you at Baitcon, and a few more of you at Pennsic!

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[1] When I discovered Jelly Belly jelly beans, I was struck by how convincing the blueberry ones are. Wondering how they'd made an artificial blueberry flavour that good, I was startled to notice that the ingredients listed actual blueberries. Well fine, of course they can make them taste like blueberries if they put blueberries in them!

[2] Yeah, my stream-of-consciousness has footnotes. And forks and loops. I think maybe I broke something back when I was programming in machine language[4] because I couldn't afford an assembler. Or maybe it happened before that.

[3] Buttered popcorn jelly beans. Really. If you ever find yourself trying to explain to someone what the phrase "cognitive dissonance" means, just hand them a buttered popcorn Jelly Belly. They'll get it. (In a pinch you can use a caramel-corn one, but the buttered popcorn flavour is a much more dramatic example.) If you haven't tasted them before, make sure there's someone around to enjoy the expression on your face when you do. And if you have tasted them, you probably didn't need to look at this footnote to figure out which flavour I meant, did you?

[4] Z80 machine code, in hex, on a TRS-80 Model III. I eventually did come up with the $30 (IIRC) to buy the assembler, but by then the brain damage had already been done.