Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

"The reward of desire is the gift of life. Desire is life. The more intensely we yearn, the more intensely we live. When we lose our desire, we lose our lives as well." -- "Helen" in "The Best Sauce", by Francis W. Porretto (2005-02-23)

Health & Beingness Status (uh, 'Existential State'?):

Woke with mild headache and mild nausea. Could be fallout from the cold/cough I've been fighting (much improved since the few days it kept me in my tent at Pennsic, but still feeling annoyingly phlegmish and coughing) or early stages of an incoming migraine. So I decided to take some caffeine as a diagnostic. If it makes me feel better, the symptoms are probably migraine-related. If it makes me feel worse, probably not. If it makes me feel both better and worse at the same time ... I'll try to be creative and entertaining when I whine about it.

I consider caffeine a drug, both in the abstract "well of course it's a drug, technically" sense, and in more concrete senses -- such as noting that it will have effects on my body, only taking it intentionally, and noting it in my what-drugs-I-took-when log. This way of thinking is, no doubt, influenced by the fact that caffeine's effects on me usually include some discomfort or unpleasantness (so I cannot just take it casually the way so many other people do), and the fact that I cannot use it as a stimulant the way most of my culture does (it makes me feel sleepy but keeps me from actually getting to sleep ... yeah, as a stimulant it's still a drug, but so many people treat it as if it were a special category ... on the other hand, I don't write down my theobromine intake.) And also the fact that caffeine's effects on my body have changed greatly over the years. When I was in high school and college, it seemed to have absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. For several years after that, it would actually put me to sleep.

But just because it's a drug doesn't mean that I have to take it in the most boring way possible. I've got multiple caffeine delivery systems on hand, including Canadian OTC aspirin/caffeine/codeine tablets, drip-grind coffee, Turkish coffee, and tea (though I'm still a bit confused: does tea contain caffeine as well as theophylline, or does it contain theophylline instead of caffeine and just gets referred to as having caffeine or being 'decaffeinated' because the two stimulants are too similar for any but pedants like me to give a crap about the distinction?). On occasion I also have Coke (hey, I capitalized it; do I really have to add the 'TM' symbol in a blog reference?) in the 'fridge. This morning I chose Turkish coffee as my caffeine delivery system. (Note: I also have decaffeinated coffee in Turkish grind on hand because I like Turkish/Greek coffee as a beverage, not as the caffeine-machismo-demonstration some barbarians seem to think it is. Yeah, it's a damned strong flavour. Drink it iff you like such strong flavours, not if it's a challenge to your mouth.)

Since I also needed to eat, both to counter any effects of hunger on the headache and to hope to settle my stomach a little, I considered what I had in the house that would go well with the coffee and be gentle on my stomach. I chose toast with Raspberry Tart preserves, and the last of the halloumi (my favouritest cheese in the world) that I brought back from Pennsic, and afterwards I nibbled slivers of Ghirardelli dark chocolate. Not bad for a breakfast assembled For Medicinal Purposes, eh? Between the the strong-flavours-I-really-like aspect, the ties-to-my-heritage aspect, and the fact that gifts from both of my lovers were components of my breakfast, it was a lift for my spirits whether the caffeine helps me headache or not.

(Yes, the main point of this entire entry was to get to the previous paragraph.)

Eventually I'd like to get a left-handed ibrik or cezve (the Arabic and Turkish names for it, and no, I can never remember what it's called; I had to Google for it ... but I should ask my mother the Greek word for it [Edit: just got email from Mom -- "It is called an Mbriki, which I think is a Turkish word."]). I could probably make mine ambidextrous (ambisinister?) with a small hammer, a block of wood, and some care, but I expect I'd damage the lining and need to get it re-tinned, so I probably won't try to do that until it needs tinning already and/or I know where to get that done.

Financial News:

While I have not yet heard from Bon Secours, the hospital I was taken to after I got beaten up, today's mail brought a bill from Butler Memorial, the hospital I went to during Pennsic when I made the chirurgeons nervous. The big scary total for that was $1,460.13 but they applied a "hospital courtesy discount" (which I think means a "because we know you're poor" discount) of $584.05 for a bottom line of $876.08. And a handwritten note with Hi-Liter across it, saying to phone them to set up a payment plan or see whether I qualify for financial assistance. So I guess it's not just the medical personnel who seem so much more efficient out in western Pennsylvania than back home in central Maryland.

And the other significant thing in today's mail is that one of my credit unions is threatening to sue me over my outstanding credit card balance of $0.00 (with a warning that interest continues to accrue. I could be liable for their court costs and attorney fees if they have to take me to court to get their $0.00. "To settle this matter, you must remit $0.00 to satisfy the loan. [...] Your failure to respond may leave us with no alternative but to proceed with suit."

Gosh, I really hope my failure to respond leaves them with the alternative of noticing that the balance is zero, but just in case, what do I do, mail them a check for $0.00? And do I write "zero dollars" or "none" on the line for the spelled-out amount? (I ignored a letter like this months ago, assuming that when it got flagged for attention by a human, they'd notice the zero balance. Looks like either I was wrong, or it takes a long time before it winds up in a human's hands. Guess I'll spend the money for a stamp.)

Hmm. I should call Bon Secours and ask what's up with my bill.

Just To Have A Third Heading:

Obviously I didn't get much writing done last night after all. I'll try to resume catching up on recent events later this afternoon or evening.

But in the course of writing this, I've had time for the caffeine to take effect, and the verdict is ... it helped a little. So I should consider stronger anti-migraine measures.

Old observation that I keep forgetting to ask about: I've noticed that on days when I'm fighting a headache, my head hurts more when my bladder is full than when it's empty. Is this the case for anyone else? Is this one of those normal things nobody ever pays enough attention to to mention?

(Jokes about where I keep my brain, as well as jokes about the ambiguous antecedent for "it's" in the preceeding paragraph, will be acknowledged with no more than a dismissive handwave unless they're unusually clever. If inclined to be a brat, take this as a challenge.)

a) After determining that todays ill feeling was mild migraine or pre-migraine related, I failed to find the correct balance in trying to medicate it away. Not huge pain, but definite lack of accomplishing any of the day's plans.

b) I was the target of a drive-by souping. Well, not quite -- they did stop the car, get out, and ring my doorbell before presenting me with soup. And homemade bread. Mmmmm, vegetarian vichyssoise. Apparently I was swaying/wobbling a bit at the time. See (a) above.

c) Ah, an explanation of why caffeine is useful to the plants that produce it! "[...] a bitter alkaloid that probably forms part of the coffee plant's defense system--caffeine also works as an antifungal, a selective phytotoxin, and a limited insectival chemosterilant." (Scott Rothstein, chapter seven of The Coffee FAQ)

d) Doggone it, I know I had a fourth thing I was going to mention, but it's gone clear out of my head.