What does your "submissive headspace" look like? Mine's service-oriented and formal, so it's not so hard to cloak it as old-fashioned politeness. So far, nobody's objected to having a door held open, or my offering if she'd like something "while I'm up anyway..."
So, in that regard, triggering into sub headspace doesn't cause me problems with other people. Does it cause problems for me, though? It's only been a problem when I didn't have any relationships where I could be in service. (A funny thought: most guys complain about "not getting any", but how many get upset at "not giving any"?)
At the end of the day, it's up to me to deal with the times and places I respond as a submissive, since the triggers are all in my head anyway. "Getting my buttons pushed" happens when someone reminds me of some powerful image or relationship from my past (e.g. realizing belatedly that someone reminds of an ex-girlfriend, or hearing my father's voice in another). I can ask the other person not to do something (e.g. "when you two start arguing it scares the daylights out of me, so please find a way not to") but it's more likely they're going to keep on with their habits. So it comes back around to recognizing my triggers, and how it feels when triggered, and finding a way to come back.
Since you asked "what to do", here are some options: - If this is a long-term relationship, the two of you need to talk about the dynamic that she (or he) awakens in you. That could smooth out the awkward times when you go into a submissive headspace. - In any case, make sure you know what it feels like to be in a "mundane" headspace. Take some time to sit and just breathe during the day, paying attention to how your body feels and the kind of thoughts you're having. Do this enough, and you'll have an instinctive sense of where to go when you need to get out. (A psychologist friend of mine uses this with her clients before first doing any hypnosis/trance work so they know they can come out.) - Maybe you need an internal "safeword" that says "I get to come out of this headspace now". Or there's some other action you know will bring you back.
I hope this helps. :)
(p.s. have you seen http://www.bigrock.com/~trance ?)
(no subject)
So, in that regard, triggering into sub headspace doesn't cause me problems with other people. Does it cause problems for me, though? It's only been a problem when I didn't have any relationships where I could be in service. (A funny thought: most guys complain about "not getting any", but how many get upset at "not giving any"?)
At the end of the day, it's up to me to deal with the times and places I respond as a submissive, since the triggers are all in my head anyway. "Getting my buttons pushed" happens when someone reminds me of some powerful image or relationship from my past (e.g. realizing belatedly that someone reminds of an ex-girlfriend, or hearing my father's voice in another). I can ask the other person not to do something (e.g. "when you two start arguing it scares the daylights out of me, so please find a way not to") but it's more likely they're going to keep on with their habits. So it comes back around to recognizing my triggers, and how it feels when triggered, and finding a way to come back.
Since you asked "what to do", here are some options:
- If this is a long-term relationship, the two of you need to talk about the dynamic that she (or he) awakens in you. That could smooth out the awkward times when you go into a submissive headspace.
- In any case, make sure you know what it feels like to be in a "mundane" headspace. Take some time to sit and just breathe during the day, paying attention to how your body feels and the kind of thoughts you're having. Do this enough, and you'll have an instinctive sense of where to go when you need to get out. (A psychologist friend of mine uses this with her clients before first doing any hypnosis/trance work so they know they can come out.)
- Maybe you need an internal "safeword" that says "I get to come out of this headspace now". Or there's some other action you know will bring you back.
I hope this helps. :)
(p.s. have you seen http://www.bigrock.com/~trance ?)