I think a lot of fights / flamewars happen (and continue) because people want -- NEED -- to be Right. As some of my teachers were fond of pointing out, many folks would rather be Right than happy (and often asked which we were trying for, when we were stuck in an argument, going round and round with no progress).
Feel free to disagree. I'm not always Right, nor even always right. And learning something new will make me happy. :-)
*nod* Though I think of that as "needing to have been right".
I have a distinct need to be right, which makes me careful what I say, has me running to look things up before I post, acknowledge mistakes and make corrections once I'm convinced I was wrong, erase a half-written post when I realize my reasoning has gotten tangled, and all those other things that are more likely to make me be right.
I also have the all-too-common need to "have been right", which leads me to defend positions against "attacks" that are actually corrections, and to contort reasoning to try to justify an earlier position, and all those things that get in the way of my actually being right or establishing a reputation for being right.
The first is an often admirable goal (though it can lead to an unwillingness to take chances). The second is Problem. And worse, when you're caught in the middle of doing it, it feels like you're just defending a right position from someone else's mistakes. I try to notice when I've fallen into that, but I don't actually know how good I've been about it. I'm most likely to remember that it's a human/online trait when I'm squared off against someone else who takes it to an extreme, but that's also when I'm upset enough to not want to examine my own writing-at-the-moment for it.
I hope that I don't fall prey to this phenomenon too often, but I'm sure I still do.
The second of your states, which you label "Problem", is what I mean when I capitalize "Right" -- the complete inability to let go of a position for fear of being shown to be inadequate in some way. And this ALWAYS stands in the way of being happy.
As you say, it's a common human failing. But that doesn't make it, um, let's say, correct ;-)
I try hard not to do it anymore, either -- but doubtless do, altogether too often. If you catch me at it, please smack with the (hopefully virtual) Ugly Haddock or equivalent. Thanks
(no subject)
I think a lot of fights / flamewars happen (and continue) because people want -- NEED -- to be Right. As some of my teachers were fond of pointing out, many folks would rather be Right than happy (and often asked which we were trying for, when we were stuck in an argument, going round and round with no progress).
Feel free to disagree. I'm not always Right, nor even always right. And learning something new will make me happy. :-)
Tense
I have a distinct need to be right, which makes me careful what I say, has me running to look things up before I post, acknowledge mistakes and make corrections once I'm convinced I was wrong, erase a half-written post when I realize my reasoning has gotten tangled, and all those other things that are more likely to make me be right.
I also have the all-too-common need to "have been right", which leads me to defend positions against "attacks" that are actually corrections, and to contort reasoning to try to justify an earlier position, and all those things that get in the way of my actually being right or establishing a reputation for being right.
The first is an often admirable goal (though it can lead to an unwillingness to take chances). The second is Problem. And worse, when you're caught in the middle of doing it, it feels like you're just defending a right position from someone else's mistakes. I try to notice when I've fallen into that, but I don't actually know how good I've been about it. I'm most likely to remember that it's a human/online trait when I'm squared off against someone else who takes it to an extreme, but that's also when I'm upset enough to not want to examine my own writing-at-the-moment for it.
I hope that I don't fall prey to this phenomenon too often, but I'm sure I still do.
Re: Tense
Re: Tense
As you say, it's a common human failing. But that doesn't make it, um, let's say, correct ;-)
I try hard not to do it anymore, either -- but doubtless do, altogether too often. If you catch me at it, please smack with the (hopefully virtual) Ugly Haddock or equivalent. Thanks