Sweetie, I know it doesn't make things magically better...but what you are going through is TOTALLY normal to feel. Don't be mean to yourself about it. Gads, I've been on the wrong end of violence too many times in life for various reasons...and I can tell you that I've spent many a restless night going through all the "shoulda done" stuff. There is no such thing as being too smart to go through the stages of physical/emotional trauma of assault. Recovery from something like this is a process, and you shouldn't force yourself to do it too swiftly. Be patient and loving to yourself. Continue to write out your feelings. It is okay to feel the way you do about this. It is okay to feel violated, pissed off, scared, or whatever comes up.
Aside from writing things out and making sure to take advantage of the loving support of friends, I would also recommend taking a self-defense course from a good teacher. The reason I'd recommend it is that I recently have been doing just that, and it has helped me deal with a LOT of the rage and feelings of helplessness that I was left with after being assaulted.
I was once railing against myself and talking about how I should have been able to do this and that and not be assaulted...and someone told me something that I think has a lot of merit.
If someone (or a group of someones) wants to hurt you and you manage to be able to live through the experience somehow, you did something right.
You do what you have to do to get through an experience the best you can with what you know. That is what you did. Don't be ashamed of that.
(no subject)
Aside from writing things out and making sure to take advantage of the loving support of friends, I would also recommend taking a self-defense course from a good teacher. The reason I'd recommend it is that I recently have been doing just that, and it has helped me deal with a LOT of the rage and feelings of helplessness that I was left with after being assaulted.
*HUG*
All blessings to you.
Vamp:)=
(no subject)
I was once railing against myself and talking about how I should have been able to do this and that and not be assaulted...and someone told me something that I think has a lot of merit.
If someone (or a group of someones) wants to hurt you and you manage to be able to live through the experience somehow, you did something right.
You do what you have to do to get through an experience the best you can with what you know. That is what you did. Don't be ashamed of that.
*hug*
Vamp:)=