One annoying pattern I've noticed is that just as I'm falling asleep, I see the attack unfold all over again in slow motion, up to about the second blow that struck my head. And then I'm awake again, feeling agitated and annoyed, and filled with "shoulda" thoughts: looking for what I could have -- should have -- done differently.
Speaking as one who has been there and done that, in my experience, it can take quite a while to stop doing that - the what if's and agitation. It's akin to the grief process, anger ("They don't fucking do this to me on my block."), denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. You sound like you are in a mixture of, or going back and forth between, both denial and bargaining right now. That's normal though. People often go through the stages of grief multiple times before they finally come to acceptance and move on. And that's not to say you won't ever revisit that anger again in the future. But it's not the same as the initial grief process.
I guess this is all to say that, while counseling to help you through this might be beneficial, and Chase-Brexton is really awesome - I've been there, btw - everthing you're experiencing is completely normal under the circumstances.
I'd give 'em the one-two punch for you if I could!
Speaking as one who has been there and done that, in my experience, it can take quite a while to stop doing that - the what if's and agitation. It's akin to the grief process, anger ("They don't fucking do this to me on my block."), denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. You sound like you are in a mixture of, or going back and forth between, both denial and bargaining right now. That's normal though. People often go through the stages of grief multiple times before they finally come to acceptance and move on. And that's not to say you won't ever revisit that anger again in the future. But it's not the same as the initial grief process.
I guess this is all to say that, while counseling to help you through this might be beneficial, and Chase-Brexton is really awesome - I've been there, btw - everthing you're experiencing is completely normal under the circumstances.
(((hug)))