Δαφνη Ευτυχια Αρθουρος

Blame evadne.

The instructions started, "First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions. You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.", so I jotted down the first eight characters that popped into my head and then picked four more from the dozen or so that all sprang into my brain at once at that point shouting, "Pick me! Pick me!":

1. Gully Foyle (The Stars My Destination)
2. Bruce Wayne (Detective Comics, etc.)
3. Lemuel Gulliver (Gulliver's Travels)
4. Tristan (Tristan and Isolde)
5. Chet Kinsman (Millenium and Kinsman)
6. Odysseus (The Oddessey)
7. Lorelei Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)
8. Lois Lane (Superman, etc.)
9. Willow Rosenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
10. Oz (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
11. Inspector Clouseau (The Pink Panther, etc.)
12. Dorothy Gale (The Wizard of Oz)

Then I clicked through to see the questions, expecting some sort of cheesy personality test ("The character you picked first represents how you feel about..."). Uh, not quite. What I found was:

• Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
• Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
• What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
• Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
• Would Two and Six make a good couple?
• Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
• What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
• Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
• Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
• What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
• Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
• Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
• Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
• Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
• What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
• If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?
• If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
• What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
• When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

I was all set to say, "Whoa, a little hard on the old suspension of disbelief with some of those and not a direction my mind was prepared to go today," but after a few hours I reconsidered: it's a challenge. Let's see whether I can come up with anything out of it as an exercise -- I should be able to step beyond my existing conceptions of these characters and fictons, and it won't be the silliest stuff that's popped out of my mouth or my keyboard. Though I suppose that doing this up properly might require near-overdose quantities of chocolate, which I don't feel like doing right now...

Thing is, I don't read much slash, or much fanfic in general. Some, yeah, like that M*A*S*H/Star Trek crossover with the Dr. Who cameo (no, I don't have a URL -- I bought a dead-trees copy at a convention years ago). And one or two others. But I'm probably not among the intended targets for this exercise. Here goes anyhow.

Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Odysseus and Inspector Clouseau. Never have. Must admit that I don't find the pairing inspiring, though if I ran across a really well done example I'd be impressed simply because of the difficulty it presents, even if I didn't get much else out of it. I suspect that most of the useful elements would be too obvious. It might make a decent stand-up comedy quickie, where just the outline of the beginning of encounter is sketched out and most is left for the audience to fill in on their own.

If this already exists, I'll be a little bit frightened.

Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

I don't have a really clear image of him, but I guess he'd have to be hot in some way since he's really like the archetypal romance novel male lead, right? Though I probably wouldn't notice until someone else pointed it out. Not my type. (Yeah, so the work predates anything that can be considered a "romance novel" and the episodic form is different -- as far as I know -- from how romance novels are structured (are there romance novels in that form, or would that automatically cast such a work into a different classification?), but come on, lovers never meant to be, against the odds, risking everything for their passion, tragically separated ... imagine designing the cover for a modern edition: wouldn't you pick whichever male model is considered hunkiest these days, whoever that is, along with a stunning young woman to represent Isolde? Of course, Isolde would probably be pictured in clothing from the wrong period, and probably a different period than what Tristan is pictured wearing, but that's because historians and reenactors don't usually get to fact-check book cover illustrations.)

As for my concept of the character rather than how I figure he'd be painted/photographed ... Well there's the passion, even if chemically induced, but nah, too many "Ooh, shouldn't-a done that" moments for my liking.

I figure Isolde has to be portrayed by someone pretty hot too, for the same reasons, and probably depicted on the cover as being a little older than she is at the start of the story. Okay, so there's a love potion involved, but come on, it's The Classic love story, and she was being sent off to marry a king, so she has to be beautiful. But no, she's not really on the list of characters I fantasize about unless I'm in a doomed-poet angsty-teen pseudoGoth headspace. I think I found her more hot, more interesting when I was in college though. Hey, I was more angsty (and teenaged) then.

What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

If Dorothy Gale got Lois Lane pregnant ... Hmm. First, this seemed rather unlikely until I remembered that there's a sex-change in one of the early Oz books, and that odd cross-universe stuff sometimes happens in the DC Comics ficton. So hey, I guess this could actually happen! Dorothy would probably want to Do The Right Thing, which could get pretty confusing once she got changed back. She'd probably move to Metropolis and find it nearly as strange as Oz compared to Kansas. Superman would no doubt find a way to make it easier to visit her friends in Oz from time to time. I'm having trouble figuring out how accepting Lois would be of Dorothy's wanting to take the kid with her on some of those visits. At some point some of Dorothy's Oz friends would find a way to visit Metropolis as a surprise, and the child would probably get homework help or tutoring from the Highly Magnified Woggle-Bug, which would probably distress Lois when she came home and encountered that scholar in her living room. The child would freak out the teachers in Metropolis on show-and-tell days, and grow up to run a newspaper in Oz.

Readers would keep waiting for hot girl-on-girl action between Dorothy and Lois, but Dorothy would feel too repressed to do it with Lois after changing back into a woman. Lois would occasionally find herself wondering what it'd be like though, and the author might throw the readers a bone in the form of fantasy sequences in Lois' head.

Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?

Fanfic about Willow ... I don't read much fanfic, so no, but jeepers, there must be tons of that written by now.

Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Bruce Wayne and Odysseus ... Despite the long tradition of homoerotic interpretations of Batman, I really don't see either of these characters that way. But knowing that others do, I can see some compatibility there if you take the characters in that direction (if you conveniently forget about Penelope). I can see some arguments and sulking too, as disagreements arise about who should decide what course of action to take during their adventures, and I can see supporting characters wondering what keeps them together. They'd find each other frustrating but have a strong bond of mutual respect and understanding.

Hmm. Odysseus as a crimefighter.

If you leave Penelope in the story, then an affair between Odysseus and Bruce Wayne could be no more than a brief fling inserted into the story of Odysseus' long journey home from Troy. I don't see him carrying on a long relationship with Bruce after getting home to Penelope.

Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Chet Kinsman with Willow or with Oz? Call me unimaginitive, but I think Kinsman's heterosexuality is pretty well established. OTOH, if you look at Willow before she met Tara, I don't know that she'd know how to cope with his baggage, and if you look at Willow after she'd been through her own trials she'd be able to understand him but wouldn't be interested in him romantically or sexually. Argh. But I think most of the Scoobies would be able to identify with his "I have a cause, I must stop _____ from happening, no matter the personal cost, there has to be a way out of this seemingly impossible situation if we think big enough" attitude.

What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

Lorelei Gilmore walks in on Bruce Wayne and Dorothy Gale having sex. She averts her eyes a moment, looks embarrassed, then changes her mind about being embarrassed, delivers a witty one-liner, asks whether either of them has seen her daughter, adds, "Oh wait, I guess not. I hope not," before either can answer, and leaves. Bruce manages to rearrange the sheets to cover Dorothy in the time between hearing the knob turn and Lorelei getting the door open. Dorothy blushes clear down to her toes. The members of the television audience who have Tivo or Replay go, "Waitaminute, was that ...?" and rewind for a closer look. Almost everybody else misses the detail until they read comments from the Tivo users on the web the next day. Inexplicably, based on the one-liner she delivers, Lorelei appears to have recognized both Bruce and Dorothy and not been surprised to meet them.

Alternate version: over-caffeinated and stressed over the latest craziness from her mother, Lorelei walks in on Bruce and Dorothy, apologizes for interrupting them, makes "I ought to be embarrased but I'm not" noises, sits down, and launches into a long monologue that's half rant and half apologies for how she's interrupting and probably embarrassing them, until Bruce has a chance to slip her a bat-sedative when Dorothy (who doesn't know he's Batman) isn't looking. This all takes place during a huge gala event at Wayne Manor that Emily had dragged Rory and Lorelei to against Lorelei's better judgement. Rory comes in a moment later, wonders why her mother has passed out, recognizes Dorothy (and starts asking her questions about Oz), and has no idea who Bruce is. Dorothy is pleased to meet someone in Gotham who has read The Backpacker's Guide to Oz and starts telling her what sights she has to see if she ever takes a trip there. Bruce makes an excuse and slips out, earning a raised eyebrow from Alfred who happens to be passing nearby as Bruce exits. Emily is, of course, scandalized when she learns of all this a short time later, but Alfred, completely unruffled, charms her into calming down (temporarily anyhow -- she still gives Lorelei an earfull when they get back to Stars Hollow). Luke is suspicious of Bruce for the rest of the season.

Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Gulliver visits a country inhabited by werewolves and indulges his secret bestiality kink with Oz-as-wolf who is stoned on ... something that affects werewolves like catnip does cats ... before realizing that this wolf will become human in the morning. This all takes place between Oz' departure from Sunnyvale to find a treatment for his lycanthropy and his eventual return. Seeing Willow with Tara later strikes him as ironic when he recalls his encounter with Gulliver.

Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Gully Foyle and Lois Lane? Not that I'm aware of, but I wouldn't be too surprised if one of my friends decided to write it tomorrow. Foyle strikes me as a pretty angry character to write fluff about though.

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?

Tristan deflowering Gully Foyle? This was where my brain went, "too strange!" the first time I looked at these questions. Uh ... Gully Foyle learns how to teleport across the centuries as well as through space -- accidentally, of course, and while experiencing a major emotional freakout. He can't figure out how to get home until Tristan manages to get him to chill out (or alternatively, freaks him out even worse).

Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?

Gilmore Girls fanfic ... can't think of any of my friends I'd expect to be reading or writing it, but I'm sure Lorelei slash must exist somewhere. She's hot. (And the actress who portrays her, Lauren Graham, seems pretty nifty herself, at least on late-night talk shows.)

Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

I do not know of any of my friends reading Gulliver's Travels erotica ... but now that the idea has been put into my head, I see a lot of fun possibilities involving some of the interesting fetish-fiction sites I occasionally trip over on the web. He's an obvious character for a giantess-fetish story, n'est-ce pas? And you can send him to all sorts of other fetish-themed places ... Now I'm half-tempted/half-frightened to type "gulliver erotica" into Google and see what pops out.

So, on second thought, probably but I'd have no idea who.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

I don't recall running into Inspector Clouseau fanfic or art, but I don't chase every link on my friends page. Anyone want to speak up?

Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Bruce Wayne, Tristan, and Chet Kinsman ... I dunno, I've got some strange friends. I doubt anyone's done it, but as to whether they would, well a few are that twisted and several have sufficiently eclectic reading lists, so if I had to wager, I'd bet one of my friends could be talked into it on a dare.

What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?

Oz might scream, "AAAooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!" (Okay, too easy. How about, "It goes to eleven!"? He's a guitarist, right?)

If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?

Would a story based on "Children of the Sun" be too obvious?

If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?

Gully Foyle / Odysseus / Dorothy? Ah ... "Fmm/cbt/ds/filk/oral/ScFi". And "written in verse".

What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?

Bruce Wayne to Oz: "I've got quite the collection of vintage guitars back at Wayne Manor. Want to try my '57 Tele?"

When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

I've never read fanfic about Chet Kinsman.

Now I should go rinse my brain.

[Edit: I belatedly realized that when asked to list "twelve characters", I should have written, "Eth, Yogh, Thorn, Aleph, Sigma, Delta, Division Sign, Conjunction, Trine, Hermaphrodite, Copyright, and Em". That would have made this meme more my speed.And then I could've used "Total Eclipse of the Heart" for the "song-fic for #8" question. ]